Crazy several months........

The last several months have been crazy, not only at work but with friends and family...

~This week i got yelled at from a co-worker about throwing some things on a shelf and i was trying to talk to him about it but he just kept yelling, so i just walked away. My supervisor that was standing there is totally on my side for that argument. I'm still waiting an apology from him.

~My grandpa came home on monday from the hospital but has to get treatment for his cancer. He's so glad to be home but his cancer is starting to take a toll on him because he's just not himself lately. Just really tired and can't walk that well. I wish i could do something for him and my grandma because they dont want anything for Christmas this year.

~Its getting colder out now and I'm loving it! I'm waiting on the snow to come and I'm still waiting, lol....

~My cousin got a bear in Northern PA last week and he was speechless when he called my grandma. He's getting the entire bear stuffed or whatever you call it. I think it was a 220lb or so bear maybe bigger.

~I've been feeling under the weather this week and havent been eating a whole lot either because i feel sick and just wanna sleep/rest but i have to work saturday, that means that i worked 6 days in a row but i'm not complaining because i have off sun and mon. I then work 4 days next week.

~I'm still trying to find another job for the evenings part-time. I'm not working 2 full-time jobs, thats just plain ridiculous!!



well thats my post for the month unless something BIG happens......



~~~peace out girl scouts~~~

Update

Heres a little bit thats happened so far this week, well i guess the week is over. I totally forgot what day it is today because i had off yesterday and today and work tomorrow.

~I am offically heading to Mississippi in January. Totally excited! My supervisor, Paul Waul, were talking about it and whatnot. His name is Paul but i call him Paul Waul since he calls me Aunt Ash....lol....He's excited for me too!!

~My one friend that I've been praying for thats been doing drugs and then went into rehab and left after being in there for 6 days, has finally called me to hang out. I really want her to go back into rehab and stay there. Its hard for me to trust her at this moment because she has lied to me after coming back to Manheim after staying in Shamokin for 3 months or so. I am wanting to talk to her to figure out if she has down anything since coming out of rehab. I just think that shes crying out on the inside and is wanting to get help. I just dont want to see my best friend get hurt because anything can happen when shes high and hanging out with friends. I'm just watching out for her. Maybe if she makes a deal with her parents if she goes back into rehab and stays in there then she can move back in with them and we can start hanging out again. I'm just praying that she'll listen to what i have to say and just think that she can have a better life than just doing drugs to make her happy, she needs the Lord in her life!!

~What about this weather these last few days. GORGEOUS!!! I was outside today blowing leaves for my grandma because i had nothing else better to do, lol.

~I've learned to accept a few things in my life!

~I finished the book Velvet Elvis and it was awesome! Loved it...

DRIFTER by DECEMBERADIO

I used to have a home.
A place I started from.
A place to call my own,
bright lights and late nights.

The devil took me on a midnight ride.
Left me out in the desert on my own.
Now I feel alone
I need a hand to help me find my way back home.

I'm a drifter out on a dead end road
trying to find my way back home
to get to you
Oh to get to you
Lord I've been gone for far too long,
headed to places I don't belong
and I've got to get back home to you.

Sometimes I think about the past
and the road that I was on,
the one that lead me home
I'll walk on another day

I may wander but I'll never stray,
cause I found out the hard way
sin don't pay.
Now I feel alone,
I need a hand to help me
find my way back home

I'm a drifter out on a dead end road
trying to find my way back home
to get to you
Oh to get to you
Lord I've been gone for far too long
headed to places I don't belong
and I've got to get back home to you

and when I feel the night is closing in
and I can barely breathe the air
I just remember that I've got a friend
who really cares
Oh who really cares

I'm a drifter out on a dead end road
trying to find my way back home
to get to you
Oh to get to you
Lord I've been gone for far too long
headed to places I don't belong
and I've got to get back home to you

Stupid computer!!

Last night i was trying to post but it didnt work. So i saved the post so here it is.....

I just lost everything that i typed!! So now this is going to be a shorter post.

Here is a pic of my supervisor's baby boy. His name is Griffin Patrick David Poff...I love the name Griffin. I know they wanted a unique name, something thats not very popular....He does have two middle names which is really neat.




Funny story......
My sister slept over at my grandparents Saturday night and we headed to church on Sunday morning. As I was going down the hill, I heard something that didn't sound normal for "Big Red" and decided to pull over. I got out of my car and found out that I had a flat tire. I was like "Crap, this is going to be a horrible day/week/month. I watched the Steelers game Sunday evening and they lost, not a surprise to me. Big Ben wasn't kickin it bc of the concussion from last week.

Heading South in January to help with the Katrina clean-up. I'm kinda nervous going because i dont know how its going to look. But at the same time I'm kinda excited because i get to make a difference in someone's life by helping with the clean-up and construction. I really don't know what to expect. All I know is that God's got it all in His hands!!!


Currently I'm readin Velvet Elvis and its a book that once i pick it up I can't put it down. I'm starting to like Rob Bell.

Monday is cleaning day because I have off all day and I'm kinda glad that i do. I love cleaning!! Its relaxing, well kind of. haha





**IMPORTANT**
Jason, if ur reading this, don't get rid of Samson, what will i do with out him when u, Jenny and SiSi go away and need someone to watch him and Rocky?? I know he'll be with Dan, but I'd miss him way to much!!! lol I just came to think of it you never do read this, at least it seems that way, which is alright with me!!

Making a difference!!

I just want to make a difference somewhere, so I'm praying that God wants me to head south to the katrina area. Although it costs 400$, I'm hoping that God provides for me, because if I can't find the money then my opportunity to head south falls.

My one favorite show to watch on Sunday night is Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I love Ty because he's all about making someone else's life a whole better by building them new homes. He never thinks about himself, only OTHERS! It just reminded me of the series we're doing at church. Its all about OTHERS.

My one best friend that I've known for 12 years got into some bad stuff and she knew she needed help but never got it. I recently talked to someone and found out that she went into rehab for the things that she was doing. I was so excited that she was getting help. I haven't talked to her for months now and she called my house and wanted to talk to me, but i was at work. I'm hoping that she calls sometime this week. I heard that she can't see or talk to a single person till she gets better. I'm quite excited for her, even if she's not excited to be in rehab. The reason why she's in rehab is a long story and i don't want to bore anyone with it.

Feel like a train hit me....

Lately, I feel like I got hit my a train. I've felt sick the last week or so.

I loved this one song by Alabama, yea I know they sing country songs but there are some good country songs. Its called "Angels Among Us"


I was walking home from school on a cold winter's day
Took a shortcut through the woods and I lost my way
It was getting late and I was scared and alone
Then a kind old man took my hand and led me home
Mama couldn't see him, but he was standing there
But I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

When life dealt troubled times and had me down on my knees
There's always been someone there to come along and comfort me
A kind word from a stranger to lend a helping hand
A phone call from a friend just to say I understand
Ain't it kind of funny at the dark end of the road
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

They wear so many faces
Show up in the strangest places
Grace us with their mercy
In our time of need

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love


I haven't heard this song in a long time!! I absolutely love it. It reminds me of her looking down on me everyday, every move I make(good and bad), and every word I say to others.

I just came off of an okay week of work. Friday the one salad prep called of AGAIN, its the second time this week. On Monday, she called off because she was sick, then she had off tues and wed and then worked thurs and called off on Fri and had off sat, and sun. I told her on thurs to cut 2 cases of Lemon Mer. Pie for Friday and i come in and there's only 4 pies cut. So all afternoon i had to cut 8 more pies for the rest of the evening. I normally take a break at 2pm, but i had to clean up and didn't get on break till 215pm and my supervisor, Paul, was like its 215, don't come back till 245. So i sat outside and he comes out to the freezer and hands me an ice cream sandwich and i head into the kitchen and he's like "come here aunt ash," so i go into the office and just talk about life. He's literally the greatest guy to talk to at work. He knows when I'm angry, when I'm frustrated, when I'm in a good mood, when to leave me alone, and when to call me in the office to talk. You couldn't ask for a better supervisor!! He's given a few nicknames, here they are, in no particular order:

~Aunt Ash~
~Evil One~
~Sparks~
~Ash~
~Sparky~

If you need any explanation on any of these let me know, lol. I love the people i work with, i really do!!



Today i went to a store called Hilltop Acres Farm Market with my sister, its a Mennonite owned farm market. I went to the register and the lady's like, "I haven't seen you girls in a long time." That brought a smile to my face because we used to ride our bikes there in the summer, pretty much everyday. I just thought to myself, they really do remember us coming in everyday. I loved those lady's in there, their great people!! So I'm gonna try and get in there more often.

Don't know what to do. I feel like I'm stuck and i don't know where to turn.

I'm stuck in one spot, which way do i turn:

Do i turn towards God?
or
Do i go my own way?
Struggling here!!!

I'm crying out!!!

Why am i all of a sudden hate life, why? I don't want to relive the past, not at all.

I look at my moms picture every morning and wish she were here then i might actually talk to my dad.




My heart, my soul
Given freely to the only One
who takes away my sin
My life, my all
Placed into the loving arms of one who died
so I could live

Chorus:
So I will worship laying my life down
Giving You more than my songs of devotion
I’ve been forgiven, bought by Your blood Lord
I am no longer a slave to my sin

Repeat verse & Chorus
Repeat Chorus

Bridge:
I am Yours and You are mine
I am Yours and You are mine
Sing 4 x

Chorus:
So I will worship laying my life down
Giving You more than my songs of devotion
I’ve been forgiven, bought by Your blood Lord
I am no longer a slave to my sin

Tag:
So I will worship
So I will worship

Unloved

NEED I EXPLAIN MORE?!

I DON'T FEEL LIKE TYPING ANYMORE, ITS BEEN A TOUGH DAY/WEEK.

MAYBE I'LL TYPE MORE TOMORROW.




BUT I DO HAVE A GUARDIAN ANGEL TOHUGH, MY MOM.

Bad News

Last night after i left Kreiders Resturant with a few people from church i was heading into Manheim when i saw an ambulance at a relatives house. I was just thinking that someone i know that lives there wasn't doing great. This was around 930pm and 945pm. I wake up this morning and get ready for church and my grandma comes in my room to tell me that John wasn't doing to good last night and his wife went outside because he was sitting on the back porch and she went to sit with him and to hold him up and the next thing you know he dies in her arms. My grandma told me that she's taking it pretty well because they were talking about death i guess for the last few months because they were old and everthing.

He was such a great guy and I know that I'll miss him. I remember when he and his wife would be sitting outside at the cementary right behind their house and my dad and my sisters would go up to my mom's grave and we would drive past them and then we would stop and talk to them. They were great people. They knew my mom and they helped with creating my mom's grave stone and did a great job!

I'm planning on going to the funeral on wednesday, although i work on wednesday I'm pretty sure that i can get off because its a family memeber that passed and i'll get 2 days off and get paid for it. Hopefully, I'll be able to go to the funeral.

I thought it was going to be a relaxing 4 days off.



R.I.P
John B. Stehman
You will be missed dearly!!

So sore!!

Big Ben is back!!!

Have you ever worked so much that your entire body is aching?? I have! If I'm sitting down i feel like i can't get up or I'm afraid to get up because my legs might give out on me. IDK. My body aches so much right now and I don't have off work till Saturday. You know what I'm gonna do on that day, sleep in till 10am probably. I don't know if thats called sleeping in or not, but whatever, for me thats sleeping in. lol. Its a struggle for me to get up every morning because I'm working 12 days in a row. I've also been feeling kinda sick lately. I need to rest.

So last night a bunch of people from church went to a friends house to play capture the flag in the dark outside. It was loads of fun but muggy!! My team won because i was on their team, lol jk, Jason R. grabbed the wrong cone(flag) and decided to let the teams look for the other teams cone(flag) and my team found the opposing teams cone(flag) first. lol it was a great night and i needed that after a rough week at work. I was told that we did an average of 978 plates of shrimp cocktail for the week and thats about 3,000 shrimp!!

My hand that i had surgery on isn't feeling so hot right now. After I'm done chopping something at work my wrist and hand feels stiff. It hurts though needless to say.

I found out that my cousin's one friend from high school hung himself from a tree and his body was hanging there for a week!! Gross. I was told that he did it because all of his friends either moved or went off to college. This was recently too. When i was in high school i saw the kid around the building. He graduated in 2005.

Today at work these two residents were talking about the E. coli found in spinach. The one lady told another lady that she shouldn't eat any green lettece or romaine because stores are talking that off the shelfs as well, truth is their not. Its ok to eat salad mix and romaine but you can't eat spinach. I was trying to tell them that but i figured it wasn't doing any good and i didnt want to argue with an elderly person, I've learned that lesson. lol My supervisor said that we might not be using spinach for a while because there are cases of E. coli here in PA. Its kinda scary if you think about it.

Work, Work, Work, some more WORK

Pretty much every day since monday or tuesday I've waken up to the smell of COW MANURE!! I leave my window open all the time because i like the fresh air in my room but not cow manure. Thats the one smell i don't like about Lancaster county. Sometimes i feel like i smell but i smell my clothes and its not me, what a relief!

Work is a drag, I'm just frustrated with my work schedule he it is::
Monday 9-11: 9am-5pm
Tuesday 9-12: 9am-6:30pm
Wednesday 9-13: 9am-5pm
Thursday 9-14: 9am-?
Friday 9-15: 9am-?
Saturday 9-16: 9am-?
Sunday 9-17: 6:30am-2:30pm
Monday 9-18: 9am-5pm?
Tuesday 9-19: 9am-5pm?
Wednesday 9-20: 9am-5pm?
Thursday 9-21: 9am-5pm?
Friday 9-22: 9am-5pm?
Saturday 9-23: OFF
Sunday 9-24: OFF
Monday 9-25: OFF
Tuesday 9-26: OFF

Can you count how many days i work in a row??? YUP YOU COUNTED RIGHT, 12 DAYS!! doesn't get any better than that, does it??? I look at it as more money that i can save for my trip to California with andrew burkahrt in december, hopefully i'll have enough money to go, if not I'm gonna be pretty upset not seeing my awesome friends in El Centro. I just pray and hope that i have enough for the plane ticket.

I haven't been feeling well this week maybe its because i just have time to rest, i'm always on the go or thinking about the next day on how well its going to go and therefore i cant sleep at night. I hate not being able to sleep at night, i need my sleep so i can feel energized and ready to go in the morning.

I'm gonna try to read my Bible every night because thats the only time i have to read without feeling rushed around.

more later, gtg to bed

frustrated, stressed, DONE BLOGGING!!

I'm so exhausted from work. I'm so frustrated and stressed also because this week i was getting yelled at for something i didnt even do and pretty much my job is on the line as of right now. I havent finished my 10 day stretch yet, i will on wednesday because i have off on thursday and then work friday and then have off on sat and sun. i have a 12 day stretch coming up in a week and I'm not ready for that.

Todays Monday and i had to be at work at 7am and left at 3pm. I came home and pretty much crashed as soon as i walked in my room and just got up at 7:45pm. I was exhausted!!!

I've got nothing esle to type on here, so I guess I'm done blogging for a little while until things gte better for me.

If you think about it just be praying for me, I've been struggling with life issues right now. thanks

peace

Service...

I decided to sit by myself in the church service this morning. I wasn't having a great week at work and just needed some alone time. I didnt want to be distracted by my friends talking through the service. I'm glad that i did because i actually got something out of the message.

"If your not on the planes wings than do you really trust God with your life?"

I'm not sure if those were the exact words that Mike said, so forgive me if there wrong. But what he was talking about in the service was what i needed to hear. I'm just having a rough life and just need someone to vent with, you know.

Does anybody know how I feel?
Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm overcome
Does anybody care what's going on?
Do I have to wear my scars like a badge on my arm
For you to see me, I need release

Do I have to scream for you to hear me?
Do I have to bleed for you to see me?
Cause I grieve, you're not listening to me
Do I need to scream?

Has anybody seen what's been done?
Where was my defense? No one heard my protest
The eyes of God were watching me
It's time to make my peace, let it go and be released
So I can breathe again
I'm on my knees

I've been marked, set apart
But I'm cut so deep and afraid of the dark
One drop of blood from the hole in Your hand
Is enough to heal me and make me stand

'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me
I don't have to scream for Him to hear me
Don't have to bleed for Him to see me
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me
I don't have to scream
I don't have to bleed
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening
And I don't have to scream



Well I'm working 10 days in a row at work. Needless to say by day 6 I'm gonna be irritable and probably goning to explode on someone. I'm not looking forward to be honest. I'm just not the happiest person right now. I found out that I'm getting overtime like you wouldn't believe Breakfast or just to hangout anyone??? let me know. Just be praying for me that work goes well for the 10 days that I'm working and that i have a good attitude going into work each morning. I just havne't been myself lately, I just feel down. No one understands what I'm dealing with friends, work and trusting God. Its hard to trust God when He's taken someone so special from me.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

^^Love this song!!^^

BEACH!!!! and things

Well my weekend was great. I went to Ocean City, Maryland with a friend from work and two other people. We left Sunday afternoon and came home Tuesday evening.

Sunday night we went to a resturant called Seacrets. It was so pretty because we were sitting near the ocean but you also come sit out in the water. It was sweet. I had a drink called The "J" and it was a fruity drink. It was amazing. Then Monday we spent the entire day out on the beach. Considering it was extremely hot out I got really burnt on my back and the back of my knees. We literly had to put sunblock on every 5 minutes. I can barely bend my one knee, let alone get in my car. But my grandma got this one plant called Aloe Vera. To be honest i never heard of that plant, but she got it from a friend of hers recently. Since i worked 9am-7pm tonight i was in extreme pain. I thought i couldn't get out of my car when i got home and when i did, i didn't think i could walk, seriously. So here is the plant that I'll probably live off for the next several days/weeks...

















Here's whats inside of it and it really works...












I'm also living off of cocoa butter lotion.




So here's a pick of what my blisters looked like today when i got off work(thats not my blister i found it on the internet)...Its pretty disgusting if you ask me...













On another note...
Life's been crazy.
Work has been outragiously crazy and stressful last week and this week considering i only worked today, but i do work till sat. and then work 10 freakin days in a row!!! Just pray for me on that one. I tend to get tired, stressed, annoyed, and i tend to get angry and bottle everything up inside and blow up by day 6 at work. I'm not ready!! :(
I'm just trying to live one day at a time right now. I'm still struggling and what not. Well I'm done writing because nothing is happening in my life that is exciting to talk about. I need a good book to read.

GRRR!!

Thats how i feel right now, is GRRRR!! I'm so angry at someone at this moment. I feel like either taking a whole bunch of pills (that I don't have), or jumping off a bridge (theres none near where i live), or doing something else. The person got angry at me for the littlest thing the other day and she's STILL mad at me today. I don't get it, people don't appreciate what i do for them, they just take advantage of you and I'm just fed up with everyone!! WHY? WHY ME? I do not understand, seriously. I wish i could move out of PA and just get away from a few people.

I'M TIRED OF BEING LIED TO!

I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME!

I'M TIRED OF ALL THE DRAMA!

I wish a had a true family to fall back onto, but i don't and just realized it now. I watched a video of my mom's car crash that she was involved with years ago, before she got really sick. I watched and i heard her voice and i was hoping that i was going to see her in the video and I DID! I realize how much i really do miss her being in my life. I was thinking if she were here maybe i would have a family to fall back onto. Sometimes i wish and wonder "why couldn't I have the cancer instead of her?" Why DID God take her away from me? I guess I still miss her. Why can't i just get over her and move on? I can't, thats the problem. No one understands me.

I've also been thinking about getting a tattoo. I'm not 100% sure on it yet, but thats been on my mind for a little while now. I want to see if my one friend will get one with me. I would love to fly down to Miami to get it by the people on the show called Miami Ink. I love that show! I want a heart and a rose with my mom's name and the date that she passed away. I'm not sure exactly what i want but thats a rough idea. I'm open for suggestions!


I visit this place quite a bit. I just go up on the hill where she's at and just talk to her or i just sit there. This is the most relaxing place i know of right now.









I wish i had someone to talk to. I'm strugging here. I feel like a failure. "was i created by accident?"

Whats going on...

Have you ever woken up during the night and had a hard time trying to fall back to sleep? I HAVE!!
Last night(Saturday) I went to bed around 10:30pm, thats my usual time), so around 1:30am(Sunday) i wake up tossing and turning for a half hour, so now its 2:00am(Sunday) and i get up to get a glass of water and take NyQuil, it takes a little while to work and then I'm out. I get up around 7:20am(Sunday) to get a shower and get ready for church. I get to church and for some reason I just don't feel like being there. I sit through the main service, which by the way Jase great job!, barely keeping my eyes open for 5 minutes. I'm trying so hard to stay awake, i manage to stay awake the entire time. I head over to the youth wing, Abby comes up to me and starts talking to me, she said that i looked tired and i was. I told her that i haven't been sleeping well since i got home from CALI and she told me that if it doesn't get better than i have to call my doctor. I left Jcrew early to come to get some rest and i did. I just didn't feel like being at church this morning.

So as of late, I haven't been sleeping well ever since I got back from CALI and its starting to take a toll on me. Its been like 2 weeks since i returned home. I just want to be able to sleep through the night and not wake up in the middle of the night.

I've been emotionally drained from staying home all the time since i can't work yet. I'm getting kinda bummed and getting anxious to get back to work in a few weeks, hopefully. It stinks sitting at home with nothing to do besides work outside (I don't mind that), read, talk to people on AIM, read some more, take a walk, and clean my car. Thats gets pretty boring after a while. I'm the one that has to keeping doing something or i get frustrated/irriated.

Atleast I'll have something to look forward to in a couple of weeks and that is watching Samson and Rocky for a week. I'm excited!

I cleaned my room all day on Saturday and looked through papers, threw some out and kept some. I also dusted and reorganized some things that needed reorganizing.

plans for Monday:
~wash my car
~read a book
~hangout with friends
~coffee/meeting with Pearl at Brick House in Manheim
~home to read some more
~dinner
~free for the evening

well i'm going to go now and try, keyword TRY, to fall asleep since it is almost midnight and I'm not even tired, maybe I am, I don't know!!

Since being home

Well i've been home for a little while now. I haven't done too much but relax and enjoy my time off, but i've gotten bored really quick.

This evening(sunday) I went with mark, dawn, and lexi, all are from Jcrew, so we to the movies in etown. We saw Monster House and it was a funny movie for younger kids. I liked it and i thought it would be a great time to connect with them. I had a great time hanging out with them.

Dan and i are looking at an apartment tomorrow(monday) morning in manheim and such.

I've been kinda slacking in reading the Psalms. I'm way behind since leaving for CALI because we never had time to have quiet time. I still want to read the Psalms and whatnot.

I wish i knew what my purpose in life is. I mean most people know what there going to do their entire lives, but me on the other hand have no idea what I'm supposed to do in life. I'm thinking about missions or something. I love to help others and travel to different places. I guess i gotta keep praying.

"The heart of the giver makes the gift dear and precious." Martin Luther

Look up Jer. 29:11, thats my favorite verse!

this is one place that we got to see and take our group photo here. Its the old courthouse in Mexicali, Mexico.

So its been taking me a day or so to get into the swing of things since i've been home. I have a weird sleeping pattern, such as Sunday, I got up late for church then went out with my sister, then came home to take a nap and i slept till 830 or 9pm. I had a hard time sleeping after that. I'm glad to be home but yet I'm not because in El Centro I had things to do and now that I'm home i have nothing to do.

So i guess the next few weeks I'll probably clean my room, mow grass, wash my car, and hang out at home being bored out of my mind!

I've been reading quite a bit as well, since being away and getting home. I've also thought about life in general. While i was in the Dallas/Fort Worth airport my dad called me, i was totally shocked that he called me. I kinda felt better since he called me and before he hung up he said "I love ya." and i actually said it back to him. Its been a long time since i said that to him, its been a long time since i talked to him also.

Ever since i got my stitches out my hand has been killing me! But i'll survive. I've also been on one-handed use right now because my strength in my right hand is weak. I can't even open a water bottle! thats sad. I'm just ready to get back to work!!

JER. 29:11

Emotional Goodbyes!!

I was going to post bofore i left CA but i had a chance to, so here is my update::

My time here in El Centro, CA is up. The trip went so fast, where did all of the time go. i guess its bc we were having so much fun with hanging out with the kids at VBS and eating some awesome mexician food. I loved Isaac, his brother, Alfredo, Robert, Marlina, Karina, Monste, Jorge, and so many more people. I'm gonna miss them all. We pretty much said our goodbyes tonight at the church bc they all brought food and had a party for us. We had tamollies(spelling)and they were the best!!

We're spending a day in san diego on wednesday and we're heading to the beach for the day and staying in a hotel for thhoe night then we're heading to the airport bc the

It was the hardest goodbyes ever. I sat outside after we ate food just to have some time to myself then we had to get together as a large group and said goodbye to each other, as soon as we stood up i started to cry. i hate saying goodbye to people even though i only knew them for a year. i know its gonna be a rough time coming home on thursday.

Our flight was delayed twice in Chicago,once because the flight was running late or something then the second time was because the plane had a maintance problem!! We stayed in the airport for maybe 3 1/2 hours or so, i lost track at 2 hours!

Leaving for cali...

Well I'm typing one handed right now, you should try it and see how long it takes you type an entire blog entry!! haha its kind of tough.

tomorrow I'm leaving for CALI at 2AM!! I'm excited bc I'm doing an all-nighter!! I'll defiantly update throughout the week and a half bc i now have a laptop. i checked the weather last night and its suppose to be 109 degrees F, it might get hotter throughout the week. I'm still gonna read through the Psalms and possibly post some of my thoughts about that also. i wont be back till the 13th!! So please pray for the team and the leaders that are going on the trip for safety and to form relationships with the kids.

i had my surgery on Thursday and it went well. i was so nervous that my blood pressure was 100something over 99, so needless to say i was nervous!! i don't remember much of it besides the surgery room was really cold! Stayed in recovery for 10 minutes then went home and now I'm on painkillers and I'm glad that he gave me them.

it hasn't been a week yet and I'm bored already!! lol


CALI HERE I COME!! BUT I'M GONNA MISS UE CAMP :( KINDA STINKS THAT THEY OVERLAP EACH OTHER!!

this took way too long for me to type. I'm done for now.

Flood of Manheim...

::EDIT::I was at my friends house in Manheim today and it started to pore hard and I had to pick up another kid at Weis around 8pm today(Sunday) and we had to cross the road to get to my car, I was wearing Old Navy flip-flops too. The water was flowing so fast that my flip-flop got swept away. I was at the red light and I saw them. They were stuck at the drains, one on either side, so I get this great idea, run across the street and look like a fool to get my flip-flops and by-golly I got them!!! I was so happy and soak and wet, but in the end I was excited to have them back. After I got back in my car I cranked the heat up, everyone else was getting hot but my pants were dripping water! So my friends and I decided to go running through puddles in Manheim tonight after a huge down pore. It was the best thing that I’ve done in my life, ok not really, but I had a great time.

I'm typing on my laptop right now. My cousin from NC dropped it off on Wednesday. He upgraded it from ME to XP. I got these awesome Nintendo games for free that he put on, plus Super Nintendo games!! So old school. lol

So I have 6 days till my surgery on my hand that means I have to learn how to do pretty much everything with my left hand, kind of stinks though. I guess I'll see how much I take for granted with being able to use both hands!! Now I'll have all the time in the world to read, read and read. Maybe I'll do some updates while in Cali, it might take me the entire time while we're out there to make just one post, lol but I think I'll manage.

So this s how my 6-8 weeks are going to look like:
June 29: surgery
June 30: rest and pack
July 1: pack some more
July 2: make sure i have everything for Cali
July 3-13: I’ll be in Cali
July 14: get my stitches out in the morning
July 15-20: relax
July 21-24: beach at Ocean City MD
July 25: relax
July 26-August? Therapy

I'm not sure when I'm going back to work yet, I know its going to be in August.

Before I leave for Cali my supervisor wants me to call him to see how my surgery went so I have to do that. I know for sure that I'm going to be on pain killers because my one supervisor went through the same surgery so he knows what I'm going. I'm so nervous though, but I'll be awake for the surgery.

So I've been reading Psalms and there were a few verses that struck me:
Psalm 6:2-3, "Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. I am sick at heart. How long, O Lord, until you restore me?"
----I liked those to verses because I am weak; it takes time to become strong at heart. It’s not how long until you restore me, but how long am I going to keep running from Him. I've been kind of running from Him the last few weeks and realized it too.

Psalm 6:7, "My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of my enemies."
----this one reminds me of the things that I’ve done in the last few weeks, I totally wish that I never did it but everyone else was doing it, but I know I didn't have too but it was all peer pressure from my friends and I regret it!!

Surgery :(

Its offical....i have to have surgery on my hand. I'm not to happy about that because i feel like I'm leaving work on purpose, but my supervisor said not to worry about it because they have 2 other people coming back. He could tell that i was upset because of the tone in my voice. Yea its only 10 minutes or so surgery but i'll probably be off work for atleast 5 weeks. Thats the part thats gonna kill me, i can't sit around and do nothing at home, i need to be doing something.

I love Miriam Fisher!! I saw her today at LOG because her mom works there and so does she, well her mom comes out and is like "do you want me to get Miriam?" i told her no not really but she got her anyways!! lol the nurses at the desk were very nice and the one was laughing at Miriam, her mom and me. it was a great time at LOG, except hearing i need surgery, but the doctor is awesome!!

I also got my hair cut this morning but it was way too early for me. i was sitting in the chair at my step-mom's and as she was cutting my hair i would close my eyes. lol i was so tired this morning and couldn't get out of bed, but i managed.

thats about it for a while.

three peas in a pod...

A few things are going on right now, so here they are....

--Went to the doctors yesterday (Tuesday) and found out that I might have surgery on my hand/wrist or I might got a shot of cortisone in my hand/wrist, but I can't have it done repeatedly because eventually it will damage my tendons in my hand. So they might go ahead and do the surgery to get it done with because they don't know where the pain in my hand will be in the next 6 months. Kinda nervous about going on Monday but hey I get out of working at 3pm on Monday. There's a good chance that I also could be off work for about 6 weeks if I do have surgery. I'm gonna be really bored for them 6 weeks.

--I shipped my laptop to my cousin who lives in Winston Salem, NC so he can update it and fix it up so that I can have it for California in July. I'm excited!!

--Yesterday I got to shell peas for my grandma since I wasn't home since Thursday because I was watching the crazy Sammy Sam and Rocky!! It took me an hour or two to shell them. I was excited when my grandma said that I wasn't allowed to make plans last night until I got all the peas shelled.

--On Sunday I went with Andrew and Heidi b., Jon s., Paul m., and rachelle h., to see how Andy eldeen's dads church does the VBS because they are doing the same theme we are. It was a long 1 hour or so drive to Hanover, that's where it was, so we had to drive around the circle(roundabout) and Andrew's didn't know which way to go so he kept going around it, we had to of gone around it like 5 times!! That was the best part before we got to the church. There were 3 students in the 5-6th grade class at the church and I got to oversee it and those three were characters. I'll have more students in my class when I get to CA. But during our music time Andy had the 3 students pick a "bodyguard" just incase someone wanted to hit 'em, lol, so there was one girl and 2 guys and the one girl, Whitney, picked me without hesitation!! Andy later emailed us and said that the students were asking "where are the bodyguards?" on Monday night. That's when you know the students enjoyed being around you. I had a great time there.



**I was going to post some pictures but my links weren't working, kinda dissappointed!!**

Movie and such

I'm here using high speed internet which I'm not used too. its so exciting anyways, last night a few of us from Liquid, maybe like 5 of us showed up the see The DaVinci Code. For a person that has never read the book, I thought it was very well played out. It was 3hrs and 35minutes long or something, but it was very good. I suggest seeing it. Now I have to find the book and read it. Adam and I sat at the church for 15minutes to see if anyone showed up but no one did. So we proceeded to leave.

Rocky has changed so much since I last saw him. He's friendlier, he actually came up to me when I walked through the door. Rocky's the best cat ever, lol. He always wants me to rub his stomach and then attack my hand, lol. Right now he's staring at the vents. Crazy cat. He meows at me so much more when I'm talking to him.

Samson, well he hasn't changed,lol he's just a dog. I love SammySam so much. I remember the first time that I watched Rocky and Samson, Samson barked so much when I came in the door, now he doesn't even bark.

Danielle slept over last night and I was debating to bring up the amazing areobed mattress because neither Dan or I would sleep downstairs because of the crazy Rocky. So after some long hard thinking I brought it up. I slept so well on the mattress.

I got my teaching book for the El Centro trip and since I'm not staying at home I figured I could start working on it while I'm here.

I've also had some recurring problems with my hand from work and on Tuesday I have to head to Hummelstown to get it checked out. My supervisor, Paul, told me that they'll probably inject me with cordisone(sp), he also told me that it won't take the pain away and probably come back and then after that they'll have to do surgery. So I'm not quite sure what'll happen yet. Paul tolld me how long the needle is and that they move it around inside of your hand. My reaction like "Great thanks for letting me know that."

Thats about it for right now, nothing crazy has happened!! Everything is going good here.

Addicted

Did you ever become addicted to certain things in life?? Well I have. In the past several months I probably have done a few things that I shouldn't do and yea I totally regret doing them. What I love so much about my one supervisor, Paul, is that he can tell when I'm depressed and when I look it he calls me into the office and has me talk to him about whatever it is. One day last week was one of the days that he called me in, so he's like whets up? and my answer was nothing. Later in the conversation he asks me if I feel bad about doing the two things that I'm addicted to before or after any church thing and I'm like "honestly I am, I truly am." I mean going to the church and doing what I do every Sunday and Wednesday for the students and the worship & arts team, I feel like I should just leave and take a break from everything, but I'm afraid to do that only because it could get worst than it already is, but on the other hand I feel as though I should be there because I'm totally sinning and doing something that could hurt me in the end.

This is something that has been killing me because I cant live my life like this. If these things are the only thing that makes me happy and makes me have a smile on my face then I guess there's something wrong.

I don't know, I think I'm just confused right now. I haven't talked to my dad in weeks maybe months, found out that my grandpa had a tumor in his ear, work is stressing me out and I think its because of the heat, the kitchen is obviously the hottest place to work in the summer. The heat gets to you by 2pm.

well thats it till maybe next week.

One word...

Exhausted!!! I figured out how many hours i was without sleep since friday morning at 7am, went to the all-nighter at 830pm on friday and stayed for the entire time and it didnt end till 8am on saturday and then headed to work at 830am. I worked till 5pm and at that time i was without sleep for 36 hours. I finally got to sleep at 6pm on saturday and slept till 7am on sunday and i was struggling to get up.

I think this was the best group that we've for the all-nighter. I got to know a lot of the students throughout the night. It was about 930pm on friday and two students were waiting for their parents to drop off their swimming wear and this one boy goes "you know what, your pretty cool!!" i was thank you. This one parent thought i was a middle schooler because well I'm pretty much the same height as them, lol.

We were at the bowling alley and i was just walking around and i stopped to talk to Mike for a while and at that time i had 2 Starbucks Fraps, so i overheard Jason and this one student talking and jason asks him if he's tired and the student goes no i'm just thirsty and jason tells him that he can get a drink there and the student goes i dont have any money. So Jason walks away after he's done talking. I go up to that student and was like are you thirsty and he's like yeah but i dont have any money, i told him that i'll buy the drink for him and i was like get anything you want too and afterwards he's like thank you. I had students come up to me all night for money, lol.

I'm now additcted to Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino's!!!

So todays a beautiful day even though its extremely hot. I washed my car today at the carwash, then went to Wal-Mart, then came home to throw frisbee with Dan, then played volleyball with the neighbors and sat outside. I'm so glad that i had off today!!

Arctic Edge: Where Adventure Needs Courage

Friday at 530pm I was at the Eldeen's for a sleepover so that way we(the El Centro team) can stay up late into the night to plan the VBS and youth group nights in El Centro, CA. We got to see our flight tickets and found out that we leave Philly Inter. Airport at 6am!! yea that's right 6am and Andy said that we have to leave at like 4 in the morning to head to the airport!! OUCH!! Then we have an hour lay-over in Dallas, TX then leave again for San Diego, CA and from there we head to El Centro, CA. On the flight home we leave San Diego, CA and fly to Chicago, IL and have an hour lay-over again and leave for Philly Inter. Airport. We stayed up til 130am Thursday morning and a few of us started a movie at that time called Polly-Anna and most of us fell asleep half way through. We got woken up at 845am this morning by Andy, stayed in bed till Tammy, his wife, came and woke us up again at 913am and had fruit, begals, donuts and juice for breakfast. Andrew B. is helping to make a t-shirt for all of us. Its going to have a moose on the front for sure, the team decided that already!!!

Our theme for VBS is Arctic Edge:Where Adventure Needs Courage. Since they never see snow we decided on an Alaskan theme. I'm gonna be one of the three bible study teachers for VBS. We also got to learn the motions to the songs and some of us got a cd some we can learn the words and whatnot, to be honest i have the CD in my car, so i'll probably listen to it every day. I'm excited. I just hope that i dont break out and start doing the motions, haha that'll be bad!!

you can check out more about it by clicking on the title. check out some of the music/videos also!!


I'm so tired right now, after i got home from the Eldeen's today and then i went to my neighbor's house because she was throwing her now 3 year old son, Kayden, a birthday party. I got home around 730 tonight and now I'm exhausted. So right now I'm listening to the theme song for VBS. I'm excited for this trip.

Oh so everyone was looking to see who sits with who on the flights, well theres 4 of us including me who don't have seats except for the last plane to Philly from Chicago, so i'm hoping that we 4 can get on the same flight or they'll all have to wait for us to arrive on the next flight. We think that they over filled the flight and we'll have to go on the next one.




Joshua 1:9

So its Mothers Day

It seems like it was yesterday that my mom passed away, but its been 9 years. I remember like it was yesterday. Today's the day!! Its Mother's Day and it wasn't an exciting day for me. I just took it easy, read, and remembered my mom. There was a time in the service at church where I got teary-eyed because everyone is going out to dinner with their families having a grand old time. I went and visited her grave today after church and stuck my rose that I got at church, by her grave. I visit her grave often just because it helps me deal with the stress from work. When I went there it was sprinkling and as I stood their just starring at her stone the rain got harder. It was like she was looking down from Heaven watching over me this afternoon. I remember watching her or even helping her make dinner, going with her when she went to the store or shopping, giving her a hug and kiss before I went to bed when I was a child. I sure do miss the hugs though. :( I also got to steer the steering wheel for her before and I got to help her in the flowerbeds. Our last family vacation was to Florida. A bunch of my mom's friends from work raised enough money for all of us to go to DisneyWorld, it was at a time where my mom didn't have a lot of energy and whatnot, but that's what I love about her because she never complained about the pain she was in or the lack of energy, she just kept moving. I admire that about her!! I miss her dearly!! She will always be in my heart.


"Holes in the Floor of Heaven"
One day, shy and 8 years old
When grandma passed away
I was a broken hearted little boy
Blowing out that birthday cake
How I cried when the sky let go
With a cold lonesome rain
My mom smiled, said "Don't be sad child.
Grandma's watching you today."

Chorus
Cause there are holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how you know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes if you're lonely
Just remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me

Seasons come and seasons go
Nothing stays the same
I grew up, fell in love
Met a girl who took my name
Year by year we made a life
In this sleepy little town
I thought we'd grow old together
Lord, I sure do miss her now

Chorus
Cause there's holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how I know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes when I'm lonely
I just remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me

Well my little girl is 23
I walk her down the aisle
It's a shame her Mom can't be here now
To see her lovely smile
They throw the rice, I catch her eye
As the rain starts coming down
She takes my hand says, "Daddy don't be sad
Cause I know Mama's watching now."

Chorus
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how you know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me.

"The heart of the giver makes the gift dear and precious." Martin Luther

On another note, I bought Blue Like Jazz the other night. I just started reading it last night. Its still kinda early to tell if its any good, but what I've heard its a good book.

I had off today, so i decided to clean my room, up high, down low and all around. I have this closet with two sliding doors and my grandma had some of her stuff in it so we cleaned that out, later tonight we're going in the attic to see what she has up there. I've never been in her attic, so I'm excited! As i was cleaning i was jamming to my music on iTunes. My room smells so clean, well cleaner then it was before. haha

I had a really bad week at work but i work tomorrow so i can help get everything prepared for Mothers Day. I told the part-time salad prep. that i dont mind working Mothers Day, and off the bat she asks me if can work for her on Sunday. I told her no just because i have to work all day Saturday(9am-7pm), so her boyfriend comes up to me on Thursday and asks if i could work for her, he was begging me to work for her because she has prom saturday night and i still said no. Sunday i plan on going and sitting up at my moms grave for a little bit 'cuz everyone's gonna be with their mom's and whatnot, if it doesn't rain. I think after Sunday I'll be in a better mood for work. I'm just not excited to work 9am-7pm on Saturday. I just hope that Sunday turns out to be a good day.

"Jesus Paid it all"

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Refrain

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

Refrain

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
Jesus died my soul to save
My lips shall repeat

Refrain

Oh praise the one who paid my debt
And raised this life up from the dead
Jesus, Jesus

I'm so excited to read The DaVinci Code book because a few of us are going to see the movie, but i have to read the book first so i understand the movie.

"there is no one righteous, not even one;" Romans 3:10

Theres this one middle school student who is the coolest middle school guy. Wednesday night i guess there were a few students waiting for their parents and this kid comes up to me and starts talking, GF are his initials, he was tossing a ball back and forth to a girl, he sees me and says hello and told me that he went past my house and such, we were talking for a little bit and as i left he's like "hey have a great week." and i was like "hey thanks you too." He can be out of hand sometimes when he's with his friends but he is really a great guy!

Firebird

My cousin that lives in NC is here for the weekend. He's goingt to D.C. on sunday to head back to work. He works in D.C. but lives in NC. He drove his wife's car which is a Pontiac Firebird, like the one in the picture, its pretty much the exact same car. We went to the mall and before we left he asked me if i wanted the t-tops off or leave them one. I told him to take them off and he did. It was a sweet ride there and back. I had the opportunity to drive the firebird on the way home but i had to turn it down for 2 reasons, 1)it was his wife's car and 2) i couldn't even see the hood of the car!! lol. otherwise i would've drove it. He got the car up to 110 mph in a 40 mph on a back road!!! yes i said 110 mph!!!! that was the best thing that happened to me all weekend. I've been having a crumby week and coming home from work on friday and seeing him here was awesome!! He and his wife have a son Austin, he's only like 2 and a little over 3ft!!! he's got his dad's genes for sure. My cousin is over 6ft maybe 7ft tall.

to say the least i was excited to see him!!

Reading

As of right now I have this killer headache that's right above my eyes and on both sides of my head. But anyways, life has been great.

Yesterday since I had off work I helped my grandma outside cleaning up the yard and such. We have enough wood to make a huge bonfire, no lie!! I would love to have a bonfire, set up a volleyball net or two, throw frisbee, you name it we probably could do it here. We have about 4 acres. Its ridiculous!! I love helping her pick asparagus in the garden. I can't wait til raspberries start growing!!

So recently i've started reading Romans. I tried reading Psalms but i just seem like i dont have the patience i guess. I'm trying to read more of the Bible because i've been slacking in that for a while.



---One thing i dont understand is what this past sermon was about, "Is there a Hell?" i believe there is a Hell. But one thing that got me thinking was that Pastor David said that people who commit suicide and are believer's of God go to Heaven?! For once i was thinking and listening to the sermon. lol...I dont I'm just confused with that. Because the 6th commandment says that "you shall not murder", your mudering yourself(self-murder) aren't you?? I have no thoughts of suicide its just me thinking for once, lol.

Bad Day-Daniel Powter
Where is the moment when needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

I've just got this IM message from a long time friend, he used to go to lcbc but he left for another church, its Dave VanZandt, i miss that kid so much!!! I was so excited when he IMed me, you have no idea, i was like freaking out. im still freaking out!! lol he might come for a visit sometime in the next few weeks!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!

In From The Night

So the other night i was watching this movie on tv called In From The Night. I didnt see the entire movie but i watched half of it or atleast most of it. Its about this lady named Vicki and her 16 year old nephew, Bobby. Vicki moved away from her family to become a writer, she was also single and had no children. The next thing she knows, he's on her doorstep. He ran away from his home because his parents were abusive to him. Vicki knows what he is going through because she left it years ago. So she lets him in to stay for a few weeks and then takes him to his cousins house so she can continue writing. He calls her and tells her that he wants to come home, meaning going back to Vicki's place, by the way he is on the phone crying despertly wanting to leave his counsins house. She picks him up and she makes a promise to him, if he goes to counseling then he can live in his own apartment right beside her because her neighbor is willing to let Bobby rent it out. So he goes to counseling to talk about his past. He also has trouble sleeping at night because he is reliving the past. In the beginning Bobby hated other people touching him, i guess he was afraid that they were gonna hit him or something.

It was such a sad but really played out well movie. I'd watch it again. There were a few times where i actually shead some tears. ;( I loved that movie. I was just flipping through the channels the other night and this movie looked interesting so i decided to watch it. I've never heard of it either.

***Sorry these pictures are blurry but i had to make them bigger because they were really small before.***

Last night i got a phone call while i was at Saturate from a lady to see if i could drive and she told me the age and gender(7th grade guys) and i personally wasnt looking forward to it, but i was praying about it. When i got to the room i knew most of the guys. So i took 3 guys in my car and Shane the one guy decides to turn up my radio, as we're cruisin' i'm like lets turn down the radio and decide where to go or atleast come up with some ideas. So their like lets blow up those houses and such, so i tell them that we're not going back to the church until we do some RAK. I drive towards Etown and i look over and see shopping carts everywhere, i ask the guys if they wanna go and put the shopping carts back in there rightful places and their like YEA!! We did that and looked for anything else but we didnt see anything. I've learned that middle school guys attention span isn't very long at all. I've learned that it takes patience with them. Even though putting shopping carts in their rightful places was the only thing that we did, i think thats okay. IF I'M WRONG PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!! But the night turned out AWESOME and yes i typed AWESOME, its not a mistake!!! I actually had F-U-N!! If i could i would do it again.

"There is no one righteous, not even one." Romans 3:10
"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard." Romans 3:23
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners,Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23

COUNT DOWN 'TIL I LEAVE FOR CALI!!!
67 days

Frustrated

My Easter was awesome. I spent it with my grandparents that I don't see on a regular basis. I also got to see my cousin, Tom and his wife Heather and their little girl, Trinity(Trin). The last time that i saw her was a few weeks after she was born and Tom was in Iraq. They now live in Kansas. I was so glad to see that he made it home in one piece.

This is going to be me just rambling on because i'm frustrated.............
Lately I've be so frustrated at work. Like today the part-time salad prep, NM(those are her intials), just walks around and leans on the table and leaning while on the job at Masonic doesn't look good at all. We're always suppose to do something, like clean and organize things. It doesn't help that we got everything done by 1230pm and our break is at 200pm. Well NM is going out with this one guy thats a server and all they do is TALK!!! I work my butt off every day til 5pm. Monday she had to clean out the reach-in and the other part-time salad prep, CW, hears her say, "This isn't very fun!" Work isnt't suppose to be fun every day. So needless to say i just wanted to punch a wall or something.
So when i get home, i change and just relax outside. I'm loving the weather this week, although this weekend its suppose to rain. This weekend all i did was just mow all 5 arces that my grandparents have. Its awesome. This summer my neighbor wants to put a volleyball net up. I'm all for that!!

I've been in the mood for playing softball. I miss playing that. I also want to play basketball and volleyball.

I feel better now, okay not really. lol

Going South or staying home??

I might be heading South this weekend to see my cousin, Matt, his wife Ashley and their son Austin. I havent seen Austin in person only pictures, so i might go down to North Carolina but if my g-rents leave Saturday then they'll come home on Monday, if thats the case than i'll stay home because i have to work monday. I won't know what to do then because i have another 3 day weekend!!! I have off on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. If i dont go to NC then i get to see my other g-rents and my dads side of the family, so that'll be nice too.

If i go i'll be heading to Wintson-Salem, NC. (Thats what is circled in green.) I'm not sure what i'm doing. I'll have to wait till Friday.

Beautiful weather!!! I can live with this weather for a while!!! Last few days I've been doing yard work for my g-rents such as picking up ALL of the sticks in the yard, helping in the garden, planting peas for her and trimming some trees.





This is one of my favorite songs by Hawk Nelson, its called "Everything You Ever Wanted"

I walked the line
Leave it all behind
I've been waiting forever
Lets go back in time
When I could read your mind
So long I've been waiting

It took the seasons going by
To know its not my fault

I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

Its been so long
Since youve been home
I used to wait up forever
I used to say a prayer
Wishing you were there
And im still waiting

You told me once
You'd show up
But i fell for that
Before I fell to pieces
Then I woke up
To no one,
Just a picture of Jesus
And a house left in pieces
It took the seasons going by
To know its not my fault

I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

I wanted you
I need you
I want to believe you [x2]

I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest
tried to be everything but you

I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

Count down:
Easter----5days!!!
California---93 days!!!!

Another Baby!!

My one cousin, Steve, just had another baby this time its a girl, Kiera. He had a boy, Kaden(sp.) a few years ago but him and the girl that he had it with aren't together. So the girl(Dawn) he's with now is really nice and i really hope that they stay together. Kiera is so adorable!!! I dont know why but I'm afraid to hold babies. I guess i'm afraid that i'll drop 'em or something because their so tiny. I don't know maybe its just me, who knows. Their baby weighed 6lbs 12ozs.

So this weekend i have to stay home and not go running around because my car needs some new parts for inspection and if i had Phillips Ford do it, it would've cost me almost $900 but my grandpa works on cars so i had to pay Ford a lot less than that just for the parts. I was excited but now i have to so some yard work if it doesn't rain but it looks like its gonna rain tomorrow!! oh darn!! jk i love yard work, especally when it comes to MOWING!!! I LOVE MOWING!!!

well enough of my rambling...i gtg.....btw I'm feeling so much better but my side still hurts from vomiting so much, so i'm laughing as much, its kinda hard at work though, laughter is the key to having a great time on the job!! oh yea so we have PRIDE REVIEW at work, thats pretty much when the supervisors talk to you one on one about how your doing your job and I'm doing really well for not having professional experience like schooling and thats what my supervisor, Russ, said to me and that made me smile, so my other supervisor,Paul, had this thing on the back of the do and he told me to hold it, lol...i was like "no way, its gonna shock me or something!!!" He's like "no its not!!" so i hold it and he pulls this pin that was in it and this loud annoying noise came from it, so Russ tries to figure out how to turn it off and just shoves it in a cabinet drawer because the phone rings as soon as he puts it away.
One thing i have to work on is COMMUNICATION!!! thats really hard for me but i have 6 months to improve. i think i can do it.

~At Last~

Rain!! We finally got some rain today. I enjoyed sleeping in since 1000am this morning because I had off today. So I pretty much read all day and went to the mall. I finally finished the book Be Intolerant by Ryan Dobson, I love reading his books, I learn so much from them. I've started to read Psalms and yeah it's gonna take me a little while to get through it.


>Psalms 4:3 "You can count on this: The Lord set apart the godly for himself. The Lord will answer when I call to him."

>Psalms 4:4 "Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent."---the problem with me is that I tend to go to bed angry and I'm still angry when I wake up in the morning and head off to work, then it affects my job and everyone around me, so I still have to work on that, not to go to bed angry.

>There are three absolute truths that we need to believe if we're going to be a biblical Christian: 1. The Bible is the true and inspired Word of God.
2. God exists and is exactly as the Bible describes Him to be.
3. Jesus is the only way to get to God.

>Jesus is there for you when you're up, and He doesn't abandon you when you're down. Christianity isn't based on your good works, as so many other religions are, but on God's good works on your behalf.

>You have to learn how to be intolerant- in love.

>What comes out of your mouth is what's in your heart.----i think thats true for me at times.

>Theres a time in the book that talks about spending time reading God's Word for 7 minutes or so or until something strikes you. Then for the rest of the time think about what you read, open your spiritual ears for God to speak to you, and pray.----thats my problem, i dont listen to God or even take time to do. I need to work on listening to Him and thats my goal this week!!!


I hope this week is going to be a good week for me and that i can open my ears and just listen for once, JUST LISTEN!!!

It was a beautiful day out tonight, despite the rain and lightening but we needed that!!

~~later~~

So I've got a killer headache for the last few days. I don't know if its because of work or what. I took Advil but thats not working!! Since i had off today i took a nap, well tried too, but it didnt go so well. But work has been stressing me out a lot. Theres way to much drama from one girl, she lies to get her way, conplains about the littlest things and everyone is getting tired of it. I'm just irratied with her and another girl. Enough about work.

Last night, rather this morning at 12:19am i got up 1)because i couldn't sleep and 2)for a glass of water. lol i never get up during the night for a glass of water, that was weird!!! I was having trouble falling asleep and i dont see how i had the energy to get out of bed because during the week i have trouble getting up at 7:30am for work. lol



For the El Centro missions trip we have to memorize two verses Romans 3:10 and 6:23.

"there is no one righteous, not even one." 3:10
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." 6:23

I'm excited for this trip, i think that its going to be better than last summer. We've added a few new things like putting a new roof on the pastors house because its caving in and also its expensive. Also were doing a youth group night every night for teens.

A place i visit often.

As much as i dislike going to the cementry, i go for one reason, because my mom's there and its the only place where i get to have some alone time with her and God. Its quiet, no one can interrupt me and its where i've found that its easier to talk to her. I can cry all I want too and no one will hear me. I've always asked this question, "why do bad things happen to good people? Why?"

^

^

^

^

The year that she was born and passed away.

The wedding day of my dad and mom.

The sun setting this evening. Beautiful!!!

Her grave stone, with the sun setting behind it, which i try to go see every so often to just sit(or stand) and talk to her and hoping that shes listening to me. Sometimes i just go up there and stare at her name wishing she was here. i loved her and still do, i miss her so much!!

LOVE YA MOM!!!! LOVE YA!!!
Bonnie(Bonita) Sue Sinniger

Forgiveness

Why is it so hard to forgive someone especially a family member??



I know i have to forgive him but its so difficult and i haven't forgivin' him yet and its been a little over 2 years now.


Its been an emotional week for me and now I'm finally enjoying a 3 day weekend. No work til Monday!! Now i have time to read and relax and just to slow down. I have to thank my one supervisor for hooking me up this weekend. I just had to get away from work and the people that i work with, well one inparticular, and to get my mind off work. My one supervisor and i had a really deep talk yesterday about his wife and one daughter and another one on the way, the baby should be here sometime in September. I'm excited for them. I've met his wife and daughter a few months ago and their daughter is adorable. But he was telling me yesterday that he wants his kids to grow up in a house that they'll remember for the rest of their lives and such. I totally agree with that. He also said that he'd wish that he would've spent more time with his dad before he passed away and thats when i was about to tear up. He's such an awesome person to talk to.

Somethings missing!!

I hate when someone asks me whats wrong and really there is but i always say nothings wrong than i feel bad. Thats what happened today with my two friends and someone else but i forget who. My two friends and i went to the Manheim Diner to chill this evening and my one friend asked me whats wrong because i was being extremely quiet tonight and i have to agree that i was. After i droped them off i just broke down in tears. I think its because lately i've been thinking of my mom and just wishing, just wishing she were here, then life wouldn't be this way for my dad and i. Every day i look at her picture by my computer and just give her a hug and tell her that i love her, but i can't.

I love watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I was watching it tonight and every Sunday night, it put my in tears. The family tonight lost their father and left behind a wife and 5 kids. He was a pastor at a church and they helped out other families. Thats the one thing that i look forward to that every Sunday night!!

I feel like no one realizes that i'm around and that all my friends use me for a ride here and there. I just don't understand!!!

God does answer prayers!!!

Friday night some friends and i went to the mall just to walk around then we proceeded to Lyndon Diner in Lancaster to chill there for an hour or two. I dropped off my one friend at home and then headed to Ephrata to drop off another person, then then dropped off my two other friends. I didnt get home till midnight and didnt wake up until 2pm today(saturday)!!! It was sweet because i wake up and my grandma's like lunch is ready. I was like perfect timing nonetheless!!

I wrote all of my support letters for the CA missions trip, which by the way I'm so excited to go on again!! I just have to mail them all on Monday.

I was praying that i would get a phone call from my dad on my birthday, which isnt till Wed., i thought that i wasnt gonna get a phone call but he called me on saturday!! I told my one friend yesterday that i probably won't get a phone call from my dad on or before my birthday and i was so surprised to see my dad call me on my cell. He didnt call me to wish me a happy birthday but to ask me if i wanted to out for breakfast with him and Danielle on Tuesday at 730am and i said yea i would love too!! Yea that time will kill me me but i hope its worth getting up that early for breakfast, i just hope it is.

My grandma is having cake and ice cream for my cousin, danielle and i tomorrow because my cousins birthday is on monday and ours is on Wednesday. I cant believe i'll be 21 in 4 days, crazy!!! We're also having bbq, tuna noodle, and a bunch of other stuff too!! im excited.

Also, i can tell its going to be a good week already because my one supervisor at work will be gone for the ENTIRE week!!! it can't get any better than that, can it?? no!!!

I'm so ready for spring!!!!


Thank you God!! its gonna be a GREAT week for me!!!

Feeling...........blah

Well i suppose i shall do another update. The last few weeks have been hard for me. I've been kinda run down i guess. Just some things that have been bothering me at work and with friends. I wish i knew who my true friends are. Its hard to tell.

I'm not feeling very connected with the young adult group at church. I mean, my sister and i and a few others are planning to visit a friend in Philly. I told KP that i have off weekends now and that i'm able to go this time. She never said a thing to me. i had a feeling that she was ignoring me for some odd reason. So I left and went home. last night after i left Friendlys before i sat down, i was driving home and just cried because my sister told me to go home and thats when i did, just because i got mad at her for giving me this attitude after Saturate was done.

Work has been tough to get through lately. At Masonic Village, we're all about being a team player, in other words we try to help out others when they need it. So i had everything done and i was just pretty much standing around, i decided to go up to the line to expoe. Needless to say the servers supervisor came through the door and was like "your not exposing tonight are?" she said it in such a serious tone and i threw out my gloves and let her do it. Then she goes and tells my two supervisors and i was called into the office. Enough of that!!!

Tonight was alright then it got better at the end of the night. I saw my cabin girls from Avalanche and they gave a huge hug and asked me if i missed them and i said OF COURSE!!! Their the milton hershey girls and i love them all so much!! Then Chad said something that made me smile and was like WOW they do really appreicate me!! Tonight before i left the church Chad said to me(not the exact words that he said) "Ash, im so glad that your here and helping out with the small things that i dont have time to do. It helps me out so much and you wouldn't know it. Seriously i really do love having you here." I had to set up the tech crew dinner tonight since Joyce wasnt there and i had to make sure they had food coming and such. I really love serving with the youth staff and doing pretty much whatever they want me too and never complain about it. What Chad said was just what i needed to hear today. i was having a bad day and needed to hear something like that.

A few highlights of the week are....
-i got a new cell phone and im lovin' it. I took a picture of two milton hershey girls that were in my cabin.

-the little bit of snow that we got and thats on the way!!! i so need to wash my car though. its so gross to look at!!!

-I cant wait for Spring to come!!! warm weather, driving with the windows down, blairing my music, and no jackets!!!

-writing my support letters for California! okay thats not a highlight. lol

-playing duck-duck-goosewednesday night after high school and middle school were done, only about 8 of us were playing. we were standing in a circle and Jen goes around saying duck-duck-goose.

-playing in the air band wednesday night around 8:15pm because we had nothing to do. Jen, ashleigh, and i want to enter American Idol and play our air band for them and sing off key!!! i so wanna do that though!!!

-a week till i turn 21!!! im so excited, okay not really, its just another year older, another year closer to retirement, and another year gone by.




I've been hearing stuff about Lent, i'm so confused about it. the first time that i've heard about Lent was a year ago but i never understood it. so confused!!

Drugged up!!

For the past few nights i have been taking the
Nighttime,
sniffling,
sneezing,
coughing,
aching,
sleep better
to feel better
medicine...

NYQUIL!!!!

I love NyQuil when i'm sick and i dont get sick often either. I've been sick now for a week and a half now and im finally getting better, slowly!!! YAY for NyQuil and feeling better!!!!

I got back safely from Pittsburgh and wow it was amazing there. Sometime soon I'm heading to North Carolina to see my cousin and his wife Ashley and their little boy(which i havent seen yet in person) Austin James....He's gonna be tall because he has his dads genes. I heard that Austin started walking without shoes, lol, hes having problems walking with shoes on, so hopefully when i go down there that he'll be walking with shoes on.

Heres two pictures that i think are the best ones that i have of him recently but he's gotten so much bigger since these were taken. hes a little over a year old i think....
Heres my cousin, Matt holding Austin while taking a nap!! He was in the marines but his 4 years or so were up in January, hes glad to be at home with Austin and Ashley.

Heres a picture of Austin at the hospital in NC. He's so adorable.

I'm heading to NC sometime around Easter or before. I'm so excited. I love to travel by car, plane, whatever!!! lol

So work has been crazy lately. There are a few times where i just wanna quit and leave right on the spot. I try so hard to do my job and i still get yelled at. Thats one thing that bothers me because i got yelled at by my dad wat too much when i was younger and half the time its not my fault.

Yesterday was Inside Out for the Middle school students at the church. First off, I was talking to Joyce and whatnot then Chad, the most amazing person around comes up to me to see if i would run to Darrenkamps to get drinks for the tech crew dinner and of course i went to get drinks for him. As i proceded downstairs Pearl, another awesome person, says "hey Ash!!" im the tone of voice as if i did something, but she just wanted to know if i would drive for the Inside Out thing and of course since I'm such a flexible person and i had nothing to do i drove Bri, a 6th grade leader, Missy and Vicki to Friendlys in Lancaster to hand out flyers and Missy and Vicki are the most talkative 6th graders i know!!!! They were awesome!!! then i went home to get some rest for work in the morning. I felt like crap all day yesterday and today. The feeling where i just wanna crawl in bed and sleep all day.



this is going to be a totally different subject now......
sometimes i wonder if people enjoy being around me, i mean sometimes i get the feeling that im being ignored and i have been ignored by a few people, especially on tuesday night. I'm not going into details. I just wanted to go home and just sob, thats how bad i felt. Theres another thing thats been bugging me but since that person has asked for my forgiveness the other night, i forgave him for what he did. Yea it was nothing huge, he thought it was the youth camcorder but later found out that it wasnt and called me the following night just to say he was really sorry and asked if i could forgive him. To me that was awesome what he did and he made a few comments about the video, saying that there was a lot of my cabin and thats the reason why he taped over it and he also said something at it not making the cut for the DVD. I was about in tears when he said all that to me and i was in tears when he called me to say he was sorry.

well im done for tonight i gtg before i fall asleep at my computer!!! lol

PITTSBURGH for the weekend

I feel like a train hit me right now, i cant even breathe through my nose, i have a fever, sore throat, cough and i feel tired all day. I wish i wasnt so sick then id have the enjoy the weekend in Pittsburgh.

Well I'm here in Pittsburgh, Home of the Super Bowl XL Champs. I'm here visiting friends for the weekend. Right now I'm not feeling 100% because I'm really sick and in pittsburgh, I probably should be in bed right now at home sleeping, but I wanted to come out to Pittsburgh and see the beautiful Steel City. The apartment that my friend has an amazing view of the city, shes on the eighth floor and i think it has like 25 floors, seriously the building is so amazingly high.

Tomorrow i plan on going shopping here in Pittsburgh, oh tonight we went to a resturant called Fat Heads, they has ridiculiously huge burgers but their so freakin amazing, i couldnt eat it all; one, i dont feel well and two they were huge.

Right now we're watching Waiting. Its about a resturant that this one kid gets a job at, its kinda humorious. I've never seen it but i've heard about it.

Well I'm going to go and watch a movie then get some rest afterwards. I'll be home on sunday sometime. I'm probably gonna get drugged up on NyQuill tonight so i can sleep a full night for once. I will see everyone back in Manheim later. Have fun.......it took us like 3.5 hours to get here and now im so tired....later all

Encounter

I just got back from the Middle School Winter Retreat, Avalanche. It was such an awesome weekend, just to get away from work, to slow down and focus on God, and also to connect with the middle schoolers, which by the way I did!! I had a cabin of girls from MHS plus 3 that weren’t. To be honest I wasn’t all that excited to go on the retreat because I didn’t know any of the girls in the cabin, but now that I look back I’m so glad that I got to go and meet the MHS girls. They were so wild, they brought a fart machine and played the noise all night on Saturday, lol….I probably got like 4 or 5 hours of sleep that night, plus the beds weren’t that comfortable either. I have a few stories to share on here……….

Friday before we left the church this one middle schooler that I know fairly well, Julia Fisher, had a real deep conversation, lol, ok not really… so here it is….I forget all what I said at that time but heres like two lines….it was all out of fun……
ME: “Your face!!”
JF: “Your moms face!!”
On Sunday as we were putting our luggage on the coaches JF comes up to me and says, “I’ve wounded you when I said “your moms face” on Friday and I’m so sorry. I realized it after I said it.” I told here that I forgive her and that she’s the most awesomest person around, lol….i guess that the students really did listen to Keith speak…that’s awesome…

Heres another one….
The last few weeks I’ve been having a hard time at work and two Sundays ago there were these three middle guys that I know fairly well and they were kind of giving a hard time while I was in the info. booth, while there were people asking me questions and I couldn’t really answer them because I was busy watching the 3 guys. Well on Friday night before the gathering, I think, two of the guys come up to me and starts pushing me towards the cars and I constantly told them to stop and they wouldn’t. So Matt’s walking towards the auditorium with me and he’s like why are they pushing you, and I told matt I have no idea. So Matt grabs me and was like “where are the guys?” I showed him and we had a conversation that I will never ever forget.
Matt: why are you guys picking on ash?
Gregg F.’s friend, I forget his name: because she’s so awesome and she’s pretty much the only one that we can have fun with. Gregg F.: yea, she’s so cool!!

They did say that they were sorry and I could really tell that they meant it.
Then they all gave me a hug and that’s when I started to laugh and I told them that I loved them and that their also such amazing middle schoolers. I told them that I was having a few bad weeks at work to the point where I just wanted to tell my supervisors that I wanted to hand in my two weeks notice. I also told that after the retreat they can pick on me as much as they want too. During the worship part of the evening gathering on Saturday I walked past one of the 3 guys and I gave him a side hug. Middle schoolers have two sides of them and the one side we barely ever see.

On Saturday during the day while everyone went skiing, snowboarding and tubing some of the students stayed back at camp and made shirts, playing basketball, put candy on everyone’s pillow, including the guys and the leaders, and played basketball. I had the opportunity to play basketball with the MHS girls and let me tell ya, some of them are really good, like Morgan. W tried playing a real game but it just got out of hand and we played knockout. I was pretty good until Morgan beat me. lol…. I had a blast with those girls all weekend. Saturday night when Keith was talking about taking a key and what not, I personally didn’t take on only for one reason; I have yet to forgive my dad for what he’s done to me in the past after my mom passed. To me that was not right what he did and I look at it as if he was greedy. It’s hard for me to forgive my dad, I don’t know why though. I do want to forgive my dad but I know it’s not going to be an easy process for me. I don’t know if I CAN forgive him. I just need help on this I guess. I need prayer on this. When we got back to the church on Sunday, one of my girls asked me if I’m going to be at the church on Wednesday and I told yes I would, so I’m excited to see them again.


My Cabin girls that I miss already….
Kristin Grice
Amanda Bordowicz
Nicolette (Nicky) DeJohn
Rasheeda (Cheeda) McLean
Morgan Miilu
Kat Minerva
Allyssa Riker
Rochelle (Rocky) Halteman
Shawne Senft
Michele Shaffer

One thing before I’m done…..When I was walking back from helping the MHS pack up their vans to leave, Jason comes up to me and says that I did a great job this weekend….Thanks Jase, I needed to hear that…..I’m so glad that I had the chance to be apart if this awesome retreat…….

A few memories…….
-the cabin girls playing a prank on Abby
-the walk with Jill N. and a few middle schoolers, so much happened on that walk
-playing basketball with the MHS girls and no guys!!!!
-Keith speaking
-Adam and the band doing an awesome job during the worship
-meeting new middle schoolers
-leading the cabin during our group time
-getting to know the MHS girls and the tough times they’ve gone through
-Kristin waking me up at 2am on Saturday morning because she wasn’t feeling well, I love to woken up at 2am!!
-staying up really late on Friday night and not getting any sleep
-listening to the fart machine all night, lol-the girls drinking 7 bottles of mountain dew in one day to stay up all night


Now its time to get back into reality..........

"He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying. My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want Your will be done, not mine." Matt. 26:29