Its been 1 year today since my grandfather passed away! He will def. be missed! He was there for me and my sister when my dad wasn't and he took me to my softball practices and games when my dad wouldn't.

RIP grandpa
Love ya

Second Chances..

Well, this weekend at church i realized that i needed a second chance. Something that's been on my mind is my dad's relationship with me, well there is none! I wish there was one, but he's missed out on 4 or so years of my life. My grades in 11th and 12th grade weren't the greatest and my senior year was horrible only because i felt like my dad abandoned me and he wasn't in my life.

I went to service and glad that i did. It was about second chances. Here are some things that i learned from the message.......



~ With forgiveness we falsely assume it's for the benefit of the other person.

~ "I don't owe them forgiveness, they owe me, they took from me"

~ Have mercy on other just as i have had mercy on you-Jesus said

~ You have got to forgive or I am going to come after you-Jesus said

~ Jesus knows that to refuse to forgive is to push the self-destruct button

~ I was living my live chained to all kinds of baggage and it's eating me up

~ You will never allow the past to be the past until you deal with forgiveness

~ Jesus died for us(me) knowing exactly what you'd be like- and he did it anyway!

Step 1- Identify who you are angry with
Step 2- Identify the hurt, what has been taken from you?
Step 3- Decide to cancel the debt, its more than a feeling, its a decision
Step 4- Refuse to take up the debt again

~ The truth is that the offender can't pay you back anyway

~ "Debt cancelled, not because I deserve it, but because of what Jesus did for me."

~ Jesus died for our sins whether you wanted him to or not

~ Life is too short, don't waste you life, DECIDE TO LET IT GO!!

I'm going to forgive my dad real soon and whether or not he changes is up to him!! Knowing that my dad doesn't do anything or calls me is sad and it was weighing me down and i just had to give it up because i couldn't deal with it on my own!!

Third Day performs

O' Come All Ye Faithful

Soulja Boy Tell 'Em - Official Music Video

Tough Month......

So this month is a hard month for me to get by!! Only because 6 days from now will be 9 years since my mom passed away and 5 days after that it'll be 1 year since my grandfather passed away both died from CANCER!! I can't believe its been that long!

All i can do is just remember the good things that they've taught me and that I've learned from them!!

here is a picture of my mom and my sisters

These pictures were taken a very long time ago!! So don't look at me!! If you can tell who's who!! lol Its a 50/50 shot!!! My mom and her sister(my aunt) look just alike!!! I can see my mom in my Aunt!!

Here's a picture of my grandpa and his wife before passing away!!

They loved each other and before he passed away they celebrated their 50th year anniversary!!

So I'm going to make the best of this month and every month after because i know that their both looking down on me!!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/38905276@N00/?saved=1

I've uploaded more pictures onto flickr, feel free to take a look, some of them are old!! lol

speechles....

Jase's teaching at Saturate was amazing! I totally needed to read what was on the screens. One of his questions was something like this, "would anyone be able to tell that I was a Christian by looking at my actions?" I don't know if that was word for word, but my answer would have to be NOT AT ALL!!! Neither by my words! As of late, I've been horrible with my actions and words!! I wish I could change the way that i am as a person. I feel like a horrible person, in a few situations. I apoligize to anyone and everyone who I've hurt with words or actions, I'm sorry!



I've been thinking about my dad and the way that's he's been acting lately. I don't understand what is going on with him, but I do know that i have an Eternal Father that will never leave me NO MATTER WHAT I've done in the past, present and what i will do in the future.



I came up with 10 reasons why I think my dad won't call me to do anything with him and here they are....

10. Trying to ignore me for some reason

9. I feel like I let him down in the past and he holds that against me

8. Ashamed to be around me

7. I feel like that I'm invisible to him

6. I'm a nobody, I'm just another face in the crowd

5. Doesn't have "time" for me

4. I feel like I'm not good enough(I'm not who he wanted me to be as an adult)

3. Doesn't keep promises what-so-ever

2. Doesn't care about me

1. Ashamed to be called his daughter




I've made a lidt of things that I've tried to do with my dad...

1. Tried calling him

2. Tried writing him a letter, worked for a short time

3. Want to spend a weekend with him in the mountains

4. Tried/Want to go out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, still waiting since March for my birthday

5. Tried talking to him in person

6. Want to spend a day with him



I feel like my dad is ashamed to be around me and to call me his daughter, for what reason I don't know! He has been getting me down on life bc he makes me feel worthless and hopeless in life!! I'm hiding my emotions and feelings inside bc it's hard for me to trust someone when i need to talk. I don't know why that is but that's how i feel. There are a few friends that i can trust. I love my dad and all but he needs to learn that he's losing his daughter and I don't think he cares, tho. WHEN and IF I get married he's not walking me down the isle, ONLY IF he changes and we can a close relationship then he can walk me down!! I just need help or maybe my dad needs a wake up call or something!! I just don't know what to do anymore and just tired of being let down by my own father. One promise he made with my sisters and i was that he was going to take us out to eat for our birthdays, I'm still waiting!!! I've made steps towards having a relationship with him, he hasn't made any movement towards having a relationship with me, tho!!


What am i suppose to do??? Am I doing something wrong?? Is it me?? Somebody please tell me if I'm doing something wrong!!!



I need answers!!!


I need GOD!!!

I'm currently reading "I am with you always"

UPLOADED PICTURES......

http://www.flickr.com/photos/38905276@N00/

NC!!

What a surprise this morning!! i woke up this morning to take the puppy out and there was snow covering the ground and cars!

So my grandparents got a puppy, named Maddie. She is adorable

So i went to NC to see my 2nd cousin Austin. I was excited to see him bc in the past I've seen pictures of him and its not the same as being there. He's 3 years old and growing very tall. He's going to be like his dad. He has his own laptop as well!!

More later on life and everything.

God has been so good to me ever since i got back from Ohio. Its like a new start for me since moving back!!

Finally back in PA!!

I'm so glad to be back in PA without worrying about getting yelled at by the kids' dad. I was afraid of that man!!

I do miss the kids and I will be back to visit them when their dad is in N.O., LA to do work for 3 months starting in January.

It was an emotional good-bye, tho.

I'm going crazy!!

I feel like I failed with this job here in Ohio. I mean, I don't just sit around and do nothing. I clean the floors, the bathroom, windows, take the one kid to football practice, i do laundry all the time and i put it away, i make dinner, pick up groceries, get up at 630am everyday to get the kids up and pack their lunches, i help them with their homework everyday, vacuum. All the parents do is work!! That's it!!!

My nerves are shot right now.

So here's a situation that happened after Brock's football practice:
Destyni wanted to stay and watch the Jr high football game and i told her no bc her brother was staying and the girls(cousins) were at home. She said that they were annoying but yet she wanted to sleep over this weekend!! LOL crazy. She's talking to her mom on my cell and screaming at her, remember she's 6, so i told her she had 2 options 1 go home or 2 go to her cousins house and at this time she's screaming at me and i grab her arm and I ALMOST slapped her bc her mom does! But i didn't. That's when i realized that i WANT to move home!!

I don't have a life anymore and I'm trying to find God in all of this. I just feel like I'm falling away from Him right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I mean when i get mad at the kids i push the shed outside that way they don't see me, I've done it once bc i didn't know what to do. The 2 kids were fighting and i was yelling at the top of my lungs and they still didn't listen.


I think the only kid that will miss me is Austen!! He's a little brother that i wished that i had, even tho he's autistic, that doesn't matter to me, he's a great kid!! Kids with a disorder are still kids and should be treated the same way as other kids. He gets picked on all the time at school bc he's smarter than the rest of the class!! But his cousin is in his grade and he hear some students picking on him and his cousin went up to them and told them to stop it and they did bc he's a football player!!


So I'm going to try to find God in the midst of this crazy thing called LIFE!!!

Awesome opportunity.....

I found out that my new church that i'm going to(New Hope Community Church) is launching another church in the city of Ashland. They have the main church here in Loudonville and one in Wooster. They are also planning on launching a church in China!!! How awesome would that be! I might have an opportunity to be a leader for ashland or help in the youth ministry in Loudonville. I don't think they have a young adult group in Loudonville so I'd like to see if we can do something like Saturate. I think that'd be amazing.

My trip back to the Buckeye state was once again LONG and BORING, like usual. Well i get home and the mom texts me and asks if her husband talked to me and i told her that he was in bed, long story short, he was fighting with her AGAIN over the weekend and she's asking him to move out but he won't. I'm tired of hearing them argue but he starts it all. All of his stuff is packed and ready for him to leave.

So Sunday around 1130am my dad calls me, CALLS ME!! He never ever ever calls me. I had left a message on his phone as i was driving out on wednesday evening. Him and i really never had a close relationship but I'm moving forward on trying to have a relationship with him. He's the only one i got since my mom isn't here with us anymore. So the next time i come out i'm going to call him and we're going to hangout! I've been praying that one day we'll get along and have fun being around each other and that day is getting closer. I'm EXCITED!!

A few people dont care.....

I just figured out that a few people don't care that I'm back in PA for a visit.

Danielle doesn't care!
My dad doesn't care!
Certain people from a certain place!


The only people that care....
My older sister and her b/f!
My grandparents!
My old job!


It's going to be a long time till i come back for another visit. I might not be back till the Spring it depends if the Winter is going to be bad or not.


So i ask myself the question.....
WHY DO I BOTHER COMING BACK TO VISIT???




Answer...
I DON"T KNOW!!!!

Ugh......

So all weekend and all this week the parents that i live with have been fighting non-stop. I'm getting tired from hearing that his wife doesn't do crap for him, but yet she wakes up EVERYDAY at 330am to make his lunch and puts out his clothes to wear to work. Yet he still fights with her!! I can't explain the way i feel right now. His little girl is 6 and she heard him yelling at her mom last night and came out of her room and went downstairs to see him bc he was packing up his car. So Des(6) and I watched High School Musical together till 10pm and then it was her bedtime. She's like "Hug, Ashley!" I was shocked just because she knows that i love her like a sister and that's what the kids need right now!!

Here's story about Austen, who's 11, he's the oldest one but is Autistic....i was about in tears as i was talking and walking with him........


-So Sunday evening their mom and dad(who's still mad at his wife for no reason at all) take Des, Austen, Tiff and Nikki(their cousins), and myself to the Ashland County Fair. Austen loves Star Wars and he saw these laser swords that were either blue or green and he wanted one. His mom told him to wait, but he wanted one that night. So as we were leaving Austen was upset bc he didnt get the sword, so i wrapped my arm around him and held him close to me and he was crying and just venting me! I was asking him whats the matter and he's told me that he only has 3 friends at school and everyone else ignores him besides the teacher! At that time my eyes were starting to water. He's such a sweeetheart and i live him to death. Then i made a promise with him at the Fair before we left. I promised him that I'll buy him the blue sword that lights up on Friday bc they have no school this Friday. We even pinky sweared!!! lol He's just a kid that wants to be loved and no ones else gives it to him when he needs it!




I've just been praying that if God no longer wants me to be here and to go home in the spring or if God will make everything right with the parents, but i highly doubt that. All i have to do is just wait. The kids mom told me that if i wanna go home i can but not till the Spring,bc she's working 3 jobs right now. Its just overwhelming for me!! I've been reading a lot too bc i have from 745am till 3pm to do whatever, which is nice!!

I'm finally getting a Verizon cell phone tomorrow!! I'm going to have a new number so if u want let me know!! I love now bc i can call anyone with Verizon for free!

Ghosts.......

I've been hanging out with the neighbor girls alot. I went to the fair with them, I play volleyball with them, I play hide and seek, and I go over to their house to chill with them and their parents.

So last night Rileigh and I were hitting the volleyball back and worth then we were going to get ready to play DDR over at my house but her sister, Miranda, came over and told Rileigh that the parents were leaving for dinner in 15 minutes so she's like "lets go over to my house and we'll play it, " I'm like ok but her DDR pad wasn't working so we couldn't play it. So then their cousin comes over to spend the night then thats when we decided to play hide and seek. When we were done we came over to play some card games, like Spoons. After the family that i live with got home we went back over to Rileigh's house and played with the Wegy Board. Rileigh and Miranda told me weeks ago that they have 2 ghosts in their house. Well i got to meet Billy last night. It was FREAKY!! I've never used a Wegy Board bc i never had a reason too. Miranda wants to see if we have any ghosts in the house that I live and I'd be interested to know too. So the two ghosts that live in their house are Billy and John. I had a great time other at their house last night.

It's been so cold here in the mornings, like 4o degrees all week!! I love it bc i can break out my sweatshirt.

One thing that i'm going to get for my vehicle is a magnet of OHIO STATE!! lol so be prepared when i come back to PA which wont be for a while! kinda sad about that but hey I'll get over it. It'll come quick tho.

LABOR DAY WEEKEND!!

Well this weekend i got to drive a boat just like this one, but it has two seats in the front and two seats in the back. I've never been on a boat like this, nor have i driven one, so it was a great experience! I had a great time and we spent the day on the river fishing. We caught nothing, but that was fine with us because we just loved being out there and relaxing and having a great time. We I mean, Jen, Denny, Des, and Jen's parents and myself. Jen's dad wants to take me fishing on Lake Erie some weekend and i would love that. We had a conversation on the boat, asking me if i like to fish and that he wanted someone to drive the boat too!!

Yesterday afternoon we went to the aunts house for a cookout and we had STEAKS, not hamburgers and hotdogs!! lol The steak was so good, you dont even need A1 sauce! He has his one secret sauce that he doesnt give out to anyone! Then later on we went inside and played Cheng-Hi, probably spelled wrong. I just learned how to play it Saturday night and i love it. Its an Ohio game! I also learned to play Up or Down yesterday and its a great game too, another Ohio game!! lol

So over all it was a great Labor Day weekend and relaxing as well. Jen's family is funny and i fit right in!

I'm coming home this weekend!

EMOTIONALLY DRAINED!!!!!!!!!

I just feel so emotionally drained right now. The family that I'm living with are having some marriage problems. Jenn tells me one thing then Denny tells me another thing and i don't know what to believe!! I'm soo frustrated right now. I called my grandma bc her and I are close, I can talk to her about anything. So i decided to call her bc i just needed someone to talk to tonight and i was talking to her as i was crying. I feel like everything is my fault, at least Denny thinks it is. Sometimes i wonder if God is with me, but I know that He is with me all the time, through thick and thin, good and bad. But its just SOO hard to believe that sometimes. I absolutely LOVE the family and the kids!!! I was with the 3 kids on their first day of school on Wednesday and i take Brock to football practice and games, I'm there when they get off the bus EVERYDAY!!!

Denny has it MADE!! Jenn gets up at 330am everyday to pack his lunch, to lay out his clothes for work, she makes dinner everyday and he just comes home and eats then goes to bed, EVERYDAY!!!!




I just don't know what to do anymore! I JUST GOTTA TRUST GOD ON THIS PART WITH THE PARENTS!!!

I'M JUST GLAD THAT I HAVE A GRANDMA THAT I CAN CALL AND SHE'LL LISTEN, BE THERE WHEN I NEED HER AND THAT'S ALL I WANT!!!!! I'M JUST GONNA GO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP!!!!! I'M EXHAUSTED!!


LEAVE ONE IF YOU WANT TOO!!!!

Kinda Bummed..........

well Dan called me this morning with some not so good news about her dog, Samson, and when she told me what happened to him Sunday night. He wasn't breathing too well and hasn't been eating and has declined fast. I'm so bummed that i might be able to see him when i come home on Thursday or Friday for the weekend. I was totally planning on seeing him and this past weekend i was trying to fit it in my schedule to see him before I left to come back to Ohio and i never did!!! Now i feel bad and really wished that i saw him!!

I finally figured out what was wrong with my computer. I just have to get a video card for it and hopefully it'll be up and running next week!!

I've been reading a book called The Sacred Romance, its a very good book but I don't have a lot of time to read besides the evening bc the kids keep interrupting me every 5 minutes bc they wanna be with me.

Oh yea, I'm getting a QUEEN SIZED WATER BED!!!! I'm so excited for that, I so can't wait for it bc I've been sleeping on the floor for about 2 weeks or so and I slept on Des' mattress, which by the way is a spring mattress and i could feel the springs jabbing into me while i slept. Then I'd get up and could barely sit down bc my back would be killing me. I had enough of that mattress and that's when i decided to sleep on the floor.

Plus Friday evening we had a tornado warning/watch. I have a few pictures of the sky but i have to wait to download them onto my computer. I was little, i mean REALLY freaked out. They had the warning sound go off at the fire department, which is right down the road from the house.



I'm gonna miss SAMSON!!! All the memories from watching him, I can't bare to see him leave at such a young age, I mean he's like 3 years old!!

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!

Well i figured out my problem to publishing a post. I'm such a genius!!! lol right.

Anyways, i am in PA for the weekend. Its nice to be back bc i know the area, lol. I can't say its good to be home, bc i dont live here, but its my "home" away from home.

Ohio has been good. I met this one guy too!!! I think i met him my 1st week out there.

I got left Ohio at 8pm yesterday and got here at 330am this morning. As soon as i got home i got my pillow and blanket and passed out on the floor. I was BEAT!!!

I really dont feel like posting right now bc I'm brain dead!!!! I'll post some day soon.

15 Days!! Ashley Goss!!! lol

This is a bad picture of me but we're trying to be COOL!!! lol Des' brother took this picture, thats why it looks blurry.

If you look close you can see that his eyes are in the back of his head!!! He can force them back like Kane the wrestler!! Its pretty sweet!!

I have 15 days of work left. I'm excited but at the same time I don't wanna leave my job. I've been praying that God just calm my heart because I've been having knots in my stomach about the whole moving deal. I just don't wanna leave my friends from church and family members behind but this is what God wants me to do. I know its a big jump from Manheim, PA to Loudonville, OH. I plan on going to school while I'm out there for 5 years. I'd like to got to culinary school or something since I have some experience in that field now and thats what I like to do. I just gotta follow God on this part because my neighbors were actually praying that someone that they trust with their kids would come into their lives and then I came along!! I was their answer to their prayer! The kids love me and do everything the same way I do it, they wanna be just like me and that means I have to set an example for them. Like just last night I got home(my neighbors house) after a get together at one of my friends house from church, and I emptied the dishwasher and the one kid, Dakota, came over and helped me. I didn't even have to ask him. He's the kind of kid who you have to ask 5 times to do something and he finally does it. I was glad to see him just stepping in to help me. That made my day!!!! It really did....

So I was saying good-bye to my friends last night and I was almost in tears because its going to be a tough adjustment for me. My neighbor said that i can relax for a week till she gets a job. Apparently my name will be Ashley Goss!!! The one girl, Destyni, wrote my name down as Ash Goss!!!

Its Offical......

I'm moving to Ohio in 2 weeks. I'm putting my two weeks notice in today at work. Its going to be tough to leave Manheim and LCBC, but I've been praying about it and i feel this is the right thing to do. I can't wait to move but at the same time my stomach is in knots.

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Moving to Ohio....

I might be moving to Ohio with my neighbors. It might be a year, 6 months, or even 3 months till i move but I'm not a 100% on the date. Its a pretty high chance that I'm moving with them. The kids love me being at their house and i told them when they move I'm goona be upset because i wont have anything to do. lol....They have everything planned out with where I'm going to live and its in their basement.

One reason I'm leaving is because of work. It literally has drama like no tomorrow and two-faced people who will talk to one day like "best friends" and then the next day not talk to you. Don't get me wrong I'll a few people at work and all. My supervisor is trying to get me to stay by asking m if i like helping out the one cook in the coffee shop and I'm like "ya" and that was the end of that conversation.

I'm gonna miss people at church as well.

In Honor Of My Mom!!!

I think this the one time I really think about my mom just because its Mother's Day. She was 37 years old when she passed.



Words to describe my mom....
-loving
-trusting
-fun
-outgoing
-cooked amazing food
-respected other people
-encouraged me
-compassionate
-beautiful
-listener
-strong spirit
-kind
-looked up to her
-amazing
-intelligent
-let me go with her to wherever she was going
-taught me what i needed to know before she passed
-fighter, she fought cancer for 5 or 6 years, lived longer than the doctors predicted
-supported me in my softball games, everytime I had one she was there


All in all, i loved her so much and i miss her!!!!! Hopefully i'll get to see her some day.


While everyone is out having dinner with their mom's, I'm planting flowers at her stone and sitting at home doing nothing. Its kind of a depressing day for me, but I'll get over it. I bought flowers yesterday at the farm market and planted them as well.

My mom will never read this, but I'm just posting it anyway.

I'm already thinking about Mother's Day and it's not even until May 13th. No plans yet, but I'm going to get flowers to plant at my mom's grave.

So the last few weeks have been exhausting for me. I've been down at my neighbors house pretty much everyday. Lets just say I live there. The 3 kids love me being down there and they never let me leave. Friday night I was over there and the one kid, Brock, asked me if I wanted to spend the night and watch Firday Night Wrestling, so I did, then after that was over he asked me if I wanted to watch The Ring:Two, so i was like sure and thats when he asked me to spend the night. It was a GREAT movie!! I've been helping his dad with the deck around the pool and whatnot. Those kids tire me out by the end of the night when I'm ready to go home, which for me is a good thing that way I will be able to sleep better. These kids mean the world to me.

This is Destiny(this isn't how u spell it) and myself. She was taking the picture. I love her so much!! She's like a little sister to me.

I don't have a picture of Brock but I will when i update my blog.

Here's a picture of Austen. He has autism, but he is very bright and has been talking so much more since the first time I met him. He comes up to me and gives me a hug and kiss. He is a very lovable boy!!!

This family has "adopted" me into their family. They were asking me today "how much would it cost us to adopt you?" I told them it would be free because I'm 22 and I can make my own decisions, haha. But I'm gonna be upset when they move back to Ohio because that's where they have family and they lived there before they moved to PA. I know the kids will miss me!!! I jsut don't know what I'll do when they go to Ohio. They are truly my "family," because they feed me everyday I'm over there.

Its About Time.............

This is his mom and dad.

This is the room he sleeps in. Looks very comfortable, wouldn't u say!!!!

This is my cousin who just graduated from the Air Force in Texas. I'm so glad that he made it through bootcamp, but he later found out that he's colorblind. He is able to finish his 4 years out but he is coming home for a little bit because of his colorblindness, he'll be on medical leave for a bit. I so can't wait to see him and give a hug!!!

Other news now........

I loved the sermon this morning about FORGIVING!!! It was something that i needed to hear that because I'm in the process of that now. But more on the sermon tomorrow.

Life has been pretty crazy for me lately, so this is going to be a venting kind of post for me.

---Why do bad things happen to good people?

---Who do u miss the most in ur life??

---Why do i feel like a failure at times??

---What did i do to deserve this??

---Why do i feel down life, why can't i be happy like everyone else??

These are a few questions that I've been struggling with lately. I've been spending time in prayer and alone time with God the last few weeks and hoping that I'll have answers to these soon. I just wanna be a happy person, thats excited for the Lord, thats excited to get up every morning and go to work, and not feeling like I'm the worst person that you've ever met. Thats how i felt when I was living at home with my dad. I felt like dirt, like the lowest of lows, like a nobody. I'm just tired of living my life like that.

I've totally done things in the past few months that I once again promised a few of my friends from church that I wouldn't do that. Thats one thing thats been on my heart and having a relationship with my dad.

I don't know what my plans are for this summer, thats if i have any. I know I might be heading down to South Carolina with a few friends. I don't think I'm going on any trips this summer. My mind just hasn't been all together with it. I was doubting and struggling with my relationship with God and everything. I'm trying to keep my head up and just move forward!!

I might get my cell phone up and running this week, thats what I'm hoping for!!!

More pictures to come tomorrow!!!

its been a long time....

I've been busy I guess, too busy to post on here. I finally found time to write.

It’s been kind of emotional the past few months.

Work has been crazy with drama, drama and more drama. I try and stay out of it because it just gets everyone in trouble. I would rather not get written up for causing trouble, I just go into work, do my job and go home. I do talk to people that i can trust. Its hard to find people in your workplace to trust. I have found a few people that i can talk to about issues at work.

I have been lagging behind in reading through the Bible. I have been reading another book called "the power of a praying woman" that I got from a friend when I graduated high school. I just started it last night. Here are a few notes from the 1st chapter......
Ch.1: Lord, Draw Me Into a Closer Walk With You

~I thought there surely must be a God, and if I could just be GOOD enough to get CLOSE to HIM, perhaps something of His greatness would rub off on ME, and then I could feel better about myself and my life.

~Of course I was never able to do that because the gods that I chased after were distant, cold, and remote.

~Eventually snowballed into an avalanche of pain that became so unbearable that I ended up being suffocated by my own HOPELESSNESS and CRUSHED into suicidal despair.

~But it was here at the lowest point in my life, that I learned who God really is and received Jesus as my Savior. This began a process of deliverance, healing, and restoration, the likes of which I had never dreamed possible.

~HE is the one, true, living God.

~By the power of His spirit, He transforms us from the inside out and miraculously changes our circumstances and our lives.

~I also learned that He is a God who can be found. A God who can be known. A God who wants to be close to us. That's why He is called IMMANUEL, which means "God WITH us."

~I would tell you that if you have received the Lord, the answer to what you need is within you. That's because the Holy Spirit of God is within you, and He will lead you in all things and teach you everything you need to know. He will transform you and your circumstances beyond your wildest dreams if you will give up trying to do it on your own and let HIM do it HIS way and in HIS time.

~You long for the closeness, the connection, the affirmation that who you are is good and desirable. But God is the only one who can give all that to you all of the time.

~God wants us to WANT HIM. And when we realize that it's Him that we WANT, we become free. We are free to identify the longings, loneliness, and emptiness inside of us as our signal that we need to DRAW near to God with OPEN ARMS and ask Him to FILL us with more of Himself.

FIVE WAYS TO TELL IF YOUR WALK WITH GOD IS SHALLOW:
1. If you follow the Lord for only what He can do for you, your walk with Him is shallow.
2. If you only pray to God when things are tough or you need something, then your walk with Him is shallow.
3. If you get mad at God or disappointed in Him when He doesn't do what you want, then your walk with Him is shallow.
4. If you love God only because of what He does, then your walk with Him is shallow.
5. If you think you have to beg God or twist His arms to get Him to answer your prayers, then your walk with Him is shallow.

~By going over these, I think my walk with the Lord is SHALLOW!!

~If you haven't been praying much, you can't expect things to change overnight. It takes a while to get the enormous ocean liner of your life turned around and headed in a different direction.

~It's the SAME way with prayer. Prayer can turn your life around, but it doesn't always happen the moment you utter your first words.

~This is normal, so don’t give up.

~Far too often people give up just before their breakthrough into the realm of answered prayer.

~Giving up is not an option.

~We think of God as our Father, but forget that He is also our Husband and Friend. We remember Him as our Comforter, but forget that He is our Deliverer. We might think of Him as our Protector, but fail to remember Him as our Healer.

~Do you trust Him to be your STRENGTH? Is He our PEACE? Is He the LIFTER OF YOUR HEAD when you are down? Is he your REFINER? Your Wisdom? Your COUNSELOR? Your RESTING PLACE?
~It wasn’t until I received Jesus that I realized exactly how much of a curse word that name was when it was used profanely.
~”You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.” Exodus 20:7
~”You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” Mark 12:30
~God’s name is always a safe place to run to any time you need help.
~If you are going through a dark time, run to your Everlasting Light.
30 Good Names to Call Your God:
Healer Spirit of Truth
Redeemer Refuge from the Storm
Deliverer Eternal Life
My Strength The Lord Who Provides
Shelter Lord of Peace
Friend Living Water
Advocate My Shield
Restorer Husband
Everlasting Father Helper
Love Wonderful Counselor
Mediator The Lord Who Heals
Stronghold Hope
Bread of Life God of Comfort
Hiding Place
Everlasting Light
Strong Tower
Resting Place
~That’s what I’ve learned so far and that’s only Chapter one!!This book is going to make me learn more about myself and how my relationship with God can grow better than what it is now.

I have been struggling the past week. I've done something once again that I promised to a few of my good friends that i would never do that "thing" ever again. Once again I slipped. I wish i would have never done that "thing" that i did Friday night into early sat. then heading to work at 830am, i wasnt feeling well at all. I feel like I'm letting my friends down because of it. Its hard because i fell into peer pressure once again. All I can say is "WHY!"