Finally back in PA!!

I'm so glad to be back in PA without worrying about getting yelled at by the kids' dad. I was afraid of that man!!

I do miss the kids and I will be back to visit them when their dad is in N.O., LA to do work for 3 months starting in January.

It was an emotional good-bye, tho.

I'm going crazy!!

I feel like I failed with this job here in Ohio. I mean, I don't just sit around and do nothing. I clean the floors, the bathroom, windows, take the one kid to football practice, i do laundry all the time and i put it away, i make dinner, pick up groceries, get up at 630am everyday to get the kids up and pack their lunches, i help them with their homework everyday, vacuum. All the parents do is work!! That's it!!!

My nerves are shot right now.

So here's a situation that happened after Brock's football practice:
Destyni wanted to stay and watch the Jr high football game and i told her no bc her brother was staying and the girls(cousins) were at home. She said that they were annoying but yet she wanted to sleep over this weekend!! LOL crazy. She's talking to her mom on my cell and screaming at her, remember she's 6, so i told her she had 2 options 1 go home or 2 go to her cousins house and at this time she's screaming at me and i grab her arm and I ALMOST slapped her bc her mom does! But i didn't. That's when i realized that i WANT to move home!!

I don't have a life anymore and I'm trying to find God in all of this. I just feel like I'm falling away from Him right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I mean when i get mad at the kids i push the shed outside that way they don't see me, I've done it once bc i didn't know what to do. The 2 kids were fighting and i was yelling at the top of my lungs and they still didn't listen.


I think the only kid that will miss me is Austen!! He's a little brother that i wished that i had, even tho he's autistic, that doesn't matter to me, he's a great kid!! Kids with a disorder are still kids and should be treated the same way as other kids. He gets picked on all the time at school bc he's smarter than the rest of the class!! But his cousin is in his grade and he hear some students picking on him and his cousin went up to them and told them to stop it and they did bc he's a football player!!


So I'm going to try to find God in the midst of this crazy thing called LIFE!!!

Awesome opportunity.....

I found out that my new church that i'm going to(New Hope Community Church) is launching another church in the city of Ashland. They have the main church here in Loudonville and one in Wooster. They are also planning on launching a church in China!!! How awesome would that be! I might have an opportunity to be a leader for ashland or help in the youth ministry in Loudonville. I don't think they have a young adult group in Loudonville so I'd like to see if we can do something like Saturate. I think that'd be amazing.

My trip back to the Buckeye state was once again LONG and BORING, like usual. Well i get home and the mom texts me and asks if her husband talked to me and i told her that he was in bed, long story short, he was fighting with her AGAIN over the weekend and she's asking him to move out but he won't. I'm tired of hearing them argue but he starts it all. All of his stuff is packed and ready for him to leave.

So Sunday around 1130am my dad calls me, CALLS ME!! He never ever ever calls me. I had left a message on his phone as i was driving out on wednesday evening. Him and i really never had a close relationship but I'm moving forward on trying to have a relationship with him. He's the only one i got since my mom isn't here with us anymore. So the next time i come out i'm going to call him and we're going to hangout! I've been praying that one day we'll get along and have fun being around each other and that day is getting closer. I'm EXCITED!!

A few people dont care.....

I just figured out that a few people don't care that I'm back in PA for a visit.

Danielle doesn't care!
My dad doesn't care!
Certain people from a certain place!


The only people that care....
My older sister and her b/f!
My grandparents!
My old job!


It's going to be a long time till i come back for another visit. I might not be back till the Spring it depends if the Winter is going to be bad or not.


So i ask myself the question.....
WHY DO I BOTHER COMING BACK TO VISIT???




Answer...
I DON"T KNOW!!!!