Addicted

Did you ever become addicted to certain things in life?? Well I have. In the past several months I probably have done a few things that I shouldn't do and yea I totally regret doing them. What I love so much about my one supervisor, Paul, is that he can tell when I'm depressed and when I look it he calls me into the office and has me talk to him about whatever it is. One day last week was one of the days that he called me in, so he's like whets up? and my answer was nothing. Later in the conversation he asks me if I feel bad about doing the two things that I'm addicted to before or after any church thing and I'm like "honestly I am, I truly am." I mean going to the church and doing what I do every Sunday and Wednesday for the students and the worship & arts team, I feel like I should just leave and take a break from everything, but I'm afraid to do that only because it could get worst than it already is, but on the other hand I feel as though I should be there because I'm totally sinning and doing something that could hurt me in the end.

This is something that has been killing me because I cant live my life like this. If these things are the only thing that makes me happy and makes me have a smile on my face then I guess there's something wrong.

I don't know, I think I'm just confused right now. I haven't talked to my dad in weeks maybe months, found out that my grandpa had a tumor in his ear, work is stressing me out and I think its because of the heat, the kitchen is obviously the hottest place to work in the summer. The heat gets to you by 2pm.

well thats it till maybe next week.

One word...

Exhausted!!! I figured out how many hours i was without sleep since friday morning at 7am, went to the all-nighter at 830pm on friday and stayed for the entire time and it didnt end till 8am on saturday and then headed to work at 830am. I worked till 5pm and at that time i was without sleep for 36 hours. I finally got to sleep at 6pm on saturday and slept till 7am on sunday and i was struggling to get up.

I think this was the best group that we've for the all-nighter. I got to know a lot of the students throughout the night. It was about 930pm on friday and two students were waiting for their parents to drop off their swimming wear and this one boy goes "you know what, your pretty cool!!" i was thank you. This one parent thought i was a middle schooler because well I'm pretty much the same height as them, lol.

We were at the bowling alley and i was just walking around and i stopped to talk to Mike for a while and at that time i had 2 Starbucks Fraps, so i overheard Jason and this one student talking and jason asks him if he's tired and the student goes no i'm just thirsty and jason tells him that he can get a drink there and the student goes i dont have any money. So Jason walks away after he's done talking. I go up to that student and was like are you thirsty and he's like yeah but i dont have any money, i told him that i'll buy the drink for him and i was like get anything you want too and afterwards he's like thank you. I had students come up to me all night for money, lol.

I'm now additcted to Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino's!!!

So todays a beautiful day even though its extremely hot. I washed my car today at the carwash, then went to Wal-Mart, then came home to throw frisbee with Dan, then played volleyball with the neighbors and sat outside. I'm so glad that i had off today!!

Arctic Edge: Where Adventure Needs Courage

Friday at 530pm I was at the Eldeen's for a sleepover so that way we(the El Centro team) can stay up late into the night to plan the VBS and youth group nights in El Centro, CA. We got to see our flight tickets and found out that we leave Philly Inter. Airport at 6am!! yea that's right 6am and Andy said that we have to leave at like 4 in the morning to head to the airport!! OUCH!! Then we have an hour lay-over in Dallas, TX then leave again for San Diego, CA and from there we head to El Centro, CA. On the flight home we leave San Diego, CA and fly to Chicago, IL and have an hour lay-over again and leave for Philly Inter. Airport. We stayed up til 130am Thursday morning and a few of us started a movie at that time called Polly-Anna and most of us fell asleep half way through. We got woken up at 845am this morning by Andy, stayed in bed till Tammy, his wife, came and woke us up again at 913am and had fruit, begals, donuts and juice for breakfast. Andrew B. is helping to make a t-shirt for all of us. Its going to have a moose on the front for sure, the team decided that already!!!

Our theme for VBS is Arctic Edge:Where Adventure Needs Courage. Since they never see snow we decided on an Alaskan theme. I'm gonna be one of the three bible study teachers for VBS. We also got to learn the motions to the songs and some of us got a cd some we can learn the words and whatnot, to be honest i have the CD in my car, so i'll probably listen to it every day. I'm excited. I just hope that i dont break out and start doing the motions, haha that'll be bad!!

you can check out more about it by clicking on the title. check out some of the music/videos also!!


I'm so tired right now, after i got home from the Eldeen's today and then i went to my neighbor's house because she was throwing her now 3 year old son, Kayden, a birthday party. I got home around 730 tonight and now I'm exhausted. So right now I'm listening to the theme song for VBS. I'm excited for this trip.

Oh so everyone was looking to see who sits with who on the flights, well theres 4 of us including me who don't have seats except for the last plane to Philly from Chicago, so i'm hoping that we 4 can get on the same flight or they'll all have to wait for us to arrive on the next flight. We think that they over filled the flight and we'll have to go on the next one.




Joshua 1:9

So its Mothers Day

It seems like it was yesterday that my mom passed away, but its been 9 years. I remember like it was yesterday. Today's the day!! Its Mother's Day and it wasn't an exciting day for me. I just took it easy, read, and remembered my mom. There was a time in the service at church where I got teary-eyed because everyone is going out to dinner with their families having a grand old time. I went and visited her grave today after church and stuck my rose that I got at church, by her grave. I visit her grave often just because it helps me deal with the stress from work. When I went there it was sprinkling and as I stood their just starring at her stone the rain got harder. It was like she was looking down from Heaven watching over me this afternoon. I remember watching her or even helping her make dinner, going with her when she went to the store or shopping, giving her a hug and kiss before I went to bed when I was a child. I sure do miss the hugs though. :( I also got to steer the steering wheel for her before and I got to help her in the flowerbeds. Our last family vacation was to Florida. A bunch of my mom's friends from work raised enough money for all of us to go to DisneyWorld, it was at a time where my mom didn't have a lot of energy and whatnot, but that's what I love about her because she never complained about the pain she was in or the lack of energy, she just kept moving. I admire that about her!! I miss her dearly!! She will always be in my heart.


"Holes in the Floor of Heaven"
One day, shy and 8 years old
When grandma passed away
I was a broken hearted little boy
Blowing out that birthday cake
How I cried when the sky let go
With a cold lonesome rain
My mom smiled, said "Don't be sad child.
Grandma's watching you today."

Chorus
Cause there are holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how you know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes if you're lonely
Just remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me

Seasons come and seasons go
Nothing stays the same
I grew up, fell in love
Met a girl who took my name
Year by year we made a life
In this sleepy little town
I thought we'd grow old together
Lord, I sure do miss her now

Chorus
Cause there's holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how I know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes when I'm lonely
I just remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me

Well my little girl is 23
I walk her down the aisle
It's a shame her Mom can't be here now
To see her lovely smile
They throw the rice, I catch her eye
As the rain starts coming down
She takes my hand says, "Daddy don't be sad
Cause I know Mama's watching now."

Chorus
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how you know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me.

"The heart of the giver makes the gift dear and precious." Martin Luther

On another note, I bought Blue Like Jazz the other night. I just started reading it last night. Its still kinda early to tell if its any good, but what I've heard its a good book.

I had off today, so i decided to clean my room, up high, down low and all around. I have this closet with two sliding doors and my grandma had some of her stuff in it so we cleaned that out, later tonight we're going in the attic to see what she has up there. I've never been in her attic, so I'm excited! As i was cleaning i was jamming to my music on iTunes. My room smells so clean, well cleaner then it was before. haha

I had a really bad week at work but i work tomorrow so i can help get everything prepared for Mothers Day. I told the part-time salad prep. that i dont mind working Mothers Day, and off the bat she asks me if can work for her on Sunday. I told her no just because i have to work all day Saturday(9am-7pm), so her boyfriend comes up to me on Thursday and asks if i could work for her, he was begging me to work for her because she has prom saturday night and i still said no. Sunday i plan on going and sitting up at my moms grave for a little bit 'cuz everyone's gonna be with their mom's and whatnot, if it doesn't rain. I think after Sunday I'll be in a better mood for work. I'm just not excited to work 9am-7pm on Saturday. I just hope that Sunday turns out to be a good day.

"Jesus Paid it all"

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Refrain

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

Refrain

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
Jesus died my soul to save
My lips shall repeat

Refrain

Oh praise the one who paid my debt
And raised this life up from the dead
Jesus, Jesus

I'm so excited to read The DaVinci Code book because a few of us are going to see the movie, but i have to read the book first so i understand the movie.

"there is no one righteous, not even one;" Romans 3:10

Theres this one middle school student who is the coolest middle school guy. Wednesday night i guess there were a few students waiting for their parents and this kid comes up to me and starts talking, GF are his initials, he was tossing a ball back and forth to a girl, he sees me and says hello and told me that he went past my house and such, we were talking for a little bit and as i left he's like "hey have a great week." and i was like "hey thanks you too." He can be out of hand sometimes when he's with his friends but he is really a great guy!

Firebird

My cousin that lives in NC is here for the weekend. He's goingt to D.C. on sunday to head back to work. He works in D.C. but lives in NC. He drove his wife's car which is a Pontiac Firebird, like the one in the picture, its pretty much the exact same car. We went to the mall and before we left he asked me if i wanted the t-tops off or leave them one. I told him to take them off and he did. It was a sweet ride there and back. I had the opportunity to drive the firebird on the way home but i had to turn it down for 2 reasons, 1)it was his wife's car and 2) i couldn't even see the hood of the car!! lol. otherwise i would've drove it. He got the car up to 110 mph in a 40 mph on a back road!!! yes i said 110 mph!!!! that was the best thing that happened to me all weekend. I've been having a crumby week and coming home from work on friday and seeing him here was awesome!! He and his wife have a son Austin, he's only like 2 and a little over 3ft!!! he's got his dad's genes for sure. My cousin is over 6ft maybe 7ft tall.

to say the least i was excited to see him!!

Reading

As of right now I have this killer headache that's right above my eyes and on both sides of my head. But anyways, life has been great.

Yesterday since I had off work I helped my grandma outside cleaning up the yard and such. We have enough wood to make a huge bonfire, no lie!! I would love to have a bonfire, set up a volleyball net or two, throw frisbee, you name it we probably could do it here. We have about 4 acres. Its ridiculous!! I love helping her pick asparagus in the garden. I can't wait til raspberries start growing!!

So recently i've started reading Romans. I tried reading Psalms but i just seem like i dont have the patience i guess. I'm trying to read more of the Bible because i've been slacking in that for a while.



---One thing i dont understand is what this past sermon was about, "Is there a Hell?" i believe there is a Hell. But one thing that got me thinking was that Pastor David said that people who commit suicide and are believer's of God go to Heaven?! For once i was thinking and listening to the sermon. lol...I dont I'm just confused with that. Because the 6th commandment says that "you shall not murder", your mudering yourself(self-murder) aren't you?? I have no thoughts of suicide its just me thinking for once, lol.

Bad Day-Daniel Powter
Where is the moment when needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

I've just got this IM message from a long time friend, he used to go to lcbc but he left for another church, its Dave VanZandt, i miss that kid so much!!! I was so excited when he IMed me, you have no idea, i was like freaking out. im still freaking out!! lol he might come for a visit sometime in the next few weeks!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!