Its been 1 year today since my grandfather passed away! He will def. be missed! He was there for me and my sister when my dad wasn't and he took me to my softball practices and games when my dad wouldn't.

RIP grandpa
Love ya

Second Chances..

Well, this weekend at church i realized that i needed a second chance. Something that's been on my mind is my dad's relationship with me, well there is none! I wish there was one, but he's missed out on 4 or so years of my life. My grades in 11th and 12th grade weren't the greatest and my senior year was horrible only because i felt like my dad abandoned me and he wasn't in my life.

I went to service and glad that i did. It was about second chances. Here are some things that i learned from the message.......



~ With forgiveness we falsely assume it's for the benefit of the other person.

~ "I don't owe them forgiveness, they owe me, they took from me"

~ Have mercy on other just as i have had mercy on you-Jesus said

~ You have got to forgive or I am going to come after you-Jesus said

~ Jesus knows that to refuse to forgive is to push the self-destruct button

~ I was living my live chained to all kinds of baggage and it's eating me up

~ You will never allow the past to be the past until you deal with forgiveness

~ Jesus died for us(me) knowing exactly what you'd be like- and he did it anyway!

Step 1- Identify who you are angry with
Step 2- Identify the hurt, what has been taken from you?
Step 3- Decide to cancel the debt, its more than a feeling, its a decision
Step 4- Refuse to take up the debt again

~ The truth is that the offender can't pay you back anyway

~ "Debt cancelled, not because I deserve it, but because of what Jesus did for me."

~ Jesus died for our sins whether you wanted him to or not

~ Life is too short, don't waste you life, DECIDE TO LET IT GO!!

I'm going to forgive my dad real soon and whether or not he changes is up to him!! Knowing that my dad doesn't do anything or calls me is sad and it was weighing me down and i just had to give it up because i couldn't deal with it on my own!!

Third Day performs

O' Come All Ye Faithful

Soulja Boy Tell 'Em - Official Music Video

Tough Month......

So this month is a hard month for me to get by!! Only because 6 days from now will be 9 years since my mom passed away and 5 days after that it'll be 1 year since my grandfather passed away both died from CANCER!! I can't believe its been that long!

All i can do is just remember the good things that they've taught me and that I've learned from them!!

here is a picture of my mom and my sisters

These pictures were taken a very long time ago!! So don't look at me!! If you can tell who's who!! lol Its a 50/50 shot!!! My mom and her sister(my aunt) look just alike!!! I can see my mom in my Aunt!!

Here's a picture of my grandpa and his wife before passing away!!

They loved each other and before he passed away they celebrated their 50th year anniversary!!

So I'm going to make the best of this month and every month after because i know that their both looking down on me!!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/38905276@N00/?saved=1

I've uploaded more pictures onto flickr, feel free to take a look, some of them are old!! lol

speechles....

Jase's teaching at Saturate was amazing! I totally needed to read what was on the screens. One of his questions was something like this, "would anyone be able to tell that I was a Christian by looking at my actions?" I don't know if that was word for word, but my answer would have to be NOT AT ALL!!! Neither by my words! As of late, I've been horrible with my actions and words!! I wish I could change the way that i am as a person. I feel like a horrible person, in a few situations. I apoligize to anyone and everyone who I've hurt with words or actions, I'm sorry!



I've been thinking about my dad and the way that's he's been acting lately. I don't understand what is going on with him, but I do know that i have an Eternal Father that will never leave me NO MATTER WHAT I've done in the past, present and what i will do in the future.



I came up with 10 reasons why I think my dad won't call me to do anything with him and here they are....

10. Trying to ignore me for some reason

9. I feel like I let him down in the past and he holds that against me

8. Ashamed to be around me

7. I feel like that I'm invisible to him

6. I'm a nobody, I'm just another face in the crowd

5. Doesn't have "time" for me

4. I feel like I'm not good enough(I'm not who he wanted me to be as an adult)

3. Doesn't keep promises what-so-ever

2. Doesn't care about me

1. Ashamed to be called his daughter




I've made a lidt of things that I've tried to do with my dad...

1. Tried calling him

2. Tried writing him a letter, worked for a short time

3. Want to spend a weekend with him in the mountains

4. Tried/Want to go out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, still waiting since March for my birthday

5. Tried talking to him in person

6. Want to spend a day with him



I feel like my dad is ashamed to be around me and to call me his daughter, for what reason I don't know! He has been getting me down on life bc he makes me feel worthless and hopeless in life!! I'm hiding my emotions and feelings inside bc it's hard for me to trust someone when i need to talk. I don't know why that is but that's how i feel. There are a few friends that i can trust. I love my dad and all but he needs to learn that he's losing his daughter and I don't think he cares, tho. WHEN and IF I get married he's not walking me down the isle, ONLY IF he changes and we can a close relationship then he can walk me down!! I just need help or maybe my dad needs a wake up call or something!! I just don't know what to do anymore and just tired of being let down by my own father. One promise he made with my sisters and i was that he was going to take us out to eat for our birthdays, I'm still waiting!!! I've made steps towards having a relationship with him, he hasn't made any movement towards having a relationship with me, tho!!


What am i suppose to do??? Am I doing something wrong?? Is it me?? Somebody please tell me if I'm doing something wrong!!!



I need answers!!!


I need GOD!!!

I'm currently reading "I am with you always"