its been a long time....

I've been busy I guess, too busy to post on here. I finally found time to write.

It’s been kind of emotional the past few months.

Work has been crazy with drama, drama and more drama. I try and stay out of it because it just gets everyone in trouble. I would rather not get written up for causing trouble, I just go into work, do my job and go home. I do talk to people that i can trust. Its hard to find people in your workplace to trust. I have found a few people that i can talk to about issues at work.

I have been lagging behind in reading through the Bible. I have been reading another book called "the power of a praying woman" that I got from a friend when I graduated high school. I just started it last night. Here are a few notes from the 1st chapter......
Ch.1: Lord, Draw Me Into a Closer Walk With You

~I thought there surely must be a God, and if I could just be GOOD enough to get CLOSE to HIM, perhaps something of His greatness would rub off on ME, and then I could feel better about myself and my life.

~Of course I was never able to do that because the gods that I chased after were distant, cold, and remote.

~Eventually snowballed into an avalanche of pain that became so unbearable that I ended up being suffocated by my own HOPELESSNESS and CRUSHED into suicidal despair.

~But it was here at the lowest point in my life, that I learned who God really is and received Jesus as my Savior. This began a process of deliverance, healing, and restoration, the likes of which I had never dreamed possible.

~HE is the one, true, living God.

~By the power of His spirit, He transforms us from the inside out and miraculously changes our circumstances and our lives.

~I also learned that He is a God who can be found. A God who can be known. A God who wants to be close to us. That's why He is called IMMANUEL, which means "God WITH us."

~I would tell you that if you have received the Lord, the answer to what you need is within you. That's because the Holy Spirit of God is within you, and He will lead you in all things and teach you everything you need to know. He will transform you and your circumstances beyond your wildest dreams if you will give up trying to do it on your own and let HIM do it HIS way and in HIS time.

~You long for the closeness, the connection, the affirmation that who you are is good and desirable. But God is the only one who can give all that to you all of the time.

~God wants us to WANT HIM. And when we realize that it's Him that we WANT, we become free. We are free to identify the longings, loneliness, and emptiness inside of us as our signal that we need to DRAW near to God with OPEN ARMS and ask Him to FILL us with more of Himself.

FIVE WAYS TO TELL IF YOUR WALK WITH GOD IS SHALLOW:
1. If you follow the Lord for only what He can do for you, your walk with Him is shallow.
2. If you only pray to God when things are tough or you need something, then your walk with Him is shallow.
3. If you get mad at God or disappointed in Him when He doesn't do what you want, then your walk with Him is shallow.
4. If you love God only because of what He does, then your walk with Him is shallow.
5. If you think you have to beg God or twist His arms to get Him to answer your prayers, then your walk with Him is shallow.

~By going over these, I think my walk with the Lord is SHALLOW!!

~If you haven't been praying much, you can't expect things to change overnight. It takes a while to get the enormous ocean liner of your life turned around and headed in a different direction.

~It's the SAME way with prayer. Prayer can turn your life around, but it doesn't always happen the moment you utter your first words.

~This is normal, so don’t give up.

~Far too often people give up just before their breakthrough into the realm of answered prayer.

~Giving up is not an option.

~We think of God as our Father, but forget that He is also our Husband and Friend. We remember Him as our Comforter, but forget that He is our Deliverer. We might think of Him as our Protector, but fail to remember Him as our Healer.

~Do you trust Him to be your STRENGTH? Is He our PEACE? Is He the LIFTER OF YOUR HEAD when you are down? Is he your REFINER? Your Wisdom? Your COUNSELOR? Your RESTING PLACE?
~It wasn’t until I received Jesus that I realized exactly how much of a curse word that name was when it was used profanely.
~”You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.” Exodus 20:7
~”You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” Mark 12:30
~God’s name is always a safe place to run to any time you need help.
~If you are going through a dark time, run to your Everlasting Light.
30 Good Names to Call Your God:
Healer Spirit of Truth
Redeemer Refuge from the Storm
Deliverer Eternal Life
My Strength The Lord Who Provides
Shelter Lord of Peace
Friend Living Water
Advocate My Shield
Restorer Husband
Everlasting Father Helper
Love Wonderful Counselor
Mediator The Lord Who Heals
Stronghold Hope
Bread of Life God of Comfort
Hiding Place
Everlasting Light
Strong Tower
Resting Place
~That’s what I’ve learned so far and that’s only Chapter one!!This book is going to make me learn more about myself and how my relationship with God can grow better than what it is now.

I have been struggling the past week. I've done something once again that I promised to a few of my good friends that i would never do that "thing" ever again. Once again I slipped. I wish i would have never done that "thing" that i did Friday night into early sat. then heading to work at 830am, i wasnt feeling well at all. I feel like I'm letting my friends down because of it. Its hard because i fell into peer pressure once again. All I can say is "WHY!"