speechles....

Jase's teaching at Saturate was amazing! I totally needed to read what was on the screens. One of his questions was something like this, "would anyone be able to tell that I was a Christian by looking at my actions?" I don't know if that was word for word, but my answer would have to be NOT AT ALL!!! Neither by my words! As of late, I've been horrible with my actions and words!! I wish I could change the way that i am as a person. I feel like a horrible person, in a few situations. I apoligize to anyone and everyone who I've hurt with words or actions, I'm sorry!



I've been thinking about my dad and the way that's he's been acting lately. I don't understand what is going on with him, but I do know that i have an Eternal Father that will never leave me NO MATTER WHAT I've done in the past, present and what i will do in the future.



I came up with 10 reasons why I think my dad won't call me to do anything with him and here they are....

10. Trying to ignore me for some reason

9. I feel like I let him down in the past and he holds that against me

8. Ashamed to be around me

7. I feel like that I'm invisible to him

6. I'm a nobody, I'm just another face in the crowd

5. Doesn't have "time" for me

4. I feel like I'm not good enough(I'm not who he wanted me to be as an adult)

3. Doesn't keep promises what-so-ever

2. Doesn't care about me

1. Ashamed to be called his daughter




I've made a lidt of things that I've tried to do with my dad...

1. Tried calling him

2. Tried writing him a letter, worked for a short time

3. Want to spend a weekend with him in the mountains

4. Tried/Want to go out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, still waiting since March for my birthday

5. Tried talking to him in person

6. Want to spend a day with him



I feel like my dad is ashamed to be around me and to call me his daughter, for what reason I don't know! He has been getting me down on life bc he makes me feel worthless and hopeless in life!! I'm hiding my emotions and feelings inside bc it's hard for me to trust someone when i need to talk. I don't know why that is but that's how i feel. There are a few friends that i can trust. I love my dad and all but he needs to learn that he's losing his daughter and I don't think he cares, tho. WHEN and IF I get married he's not walking me down the isle, ONLY IF he changes and we can a close relationship then he can walk me down!! I just need help or maybe my dad needs a wake up call or something!! I just don't know what to do anymore and just tired of being let down by my own father. One promise he made with my sisters and i was that he was going to take us out to eat for our birthdays, I'm still waiting!!! I've made steps towards having a relationship with him, he hasn't made any movement towards having a relationship with me, tho!!


What am i suppose to do??? Am I doing something wrong?? Is it me?? Somebody please tell me if I'm doing something wrong!!!



I need answers!!!


I need GOD!!!

I'm currently reading "I am with you always"